Five simple reasons to abolish capitalism

Five simple reasons to abolish capitalism

This is not going to be theoretical. There’ll be no discussion of the alienation of labor or the theory of surplus value. I won’t even be focusing on the big reasons like not having a boss or the three hour workday. Instead, I’m just going to list five day-to-day changes that that I’m pretty damn sure will happen once the flood of communism comes to atone for the sins of capital.

(1) One size Tupperware lids. Being the cheap bastard that I am, every time I get takeaway I keep the plastic container. The only problem is that although they look like the same size, either the corners or just a bit too rounded or the sides are just a bit too long. Then, any time I want to take my lunch with me to work, I have to dig around my cupboard for 20 minutes trying to find a lid to fit the container. Fuck that. I have no doubt that under communism—without plastic companies competing to ensure that they’ll be no mixing and matching of lids and containers—we’ll have standardized that shit!

(2) All music, films, theatre, concert and museums will be free.

(3) Artistic talent used for art and not fucking advertising. NOTHING pisses me off more than to see the efforts of obviously very talented people being wasted to shill corporate shit. Artists should create art not commodities.

(4)No more telemarketing calls. ‘Nuff said.

(5)No more cheap quality appliances. I used to sell appliances. Besides outright planned obsolescence, there was a spectrum of products made available to the “consumer market”. It ranged from cheap shit for poor people (and, of course, for landlords to install in their apartments) to much better quality products for the wealthy. In the absence of a competitive economy, the goal will be to create products that last as long as possible and thus limit the total amount of social labor to fill society’s need and wants.

This list is just a start. Add your own!

Posted By

Chilli Sauce
May 25 2012 18:41

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  • I have no doubt that under communism—without plastic companies competing to ensure that they’ll be no mixing and matching of lids and containers—we’ll have standardized that shit!

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wojtek
May 31 2012 13:48

Access to journal articles would be free and they'd be available to all.

Railyon
May 31 2012 13:53
Ethos wrote:
-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

I want flowery print on everything. Communism can't deliver that therefore communism is impossible.

Chilli Sauce
May 31 2012 20:02

Ethos
Jun 1 2012 19:41
Railyon wrote:
Ethos wrote:
-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

I want flowery print on everything. Communism can't deliver that therefore communism is impossible.

Fuck, does that mean I have to become a Rawlsian or some bullshit now? cry

ChilliSauce,

You know what? I sort of want all toilet paper to look like that. If only because it'll give all the Tea-baggers a heart attack to know people wipe their asses with the faces of the Founding Fathers (peace be upon them).

m4trix87
Jun 3 2012 20:04

No more having to protest against capitalism, which opens time for other activities.

Chilli Sauce
Jun 4 2012 16:56
Quote:
No more having to protest against capitalism

I do worry I might lose my sense of purpose in life...

Nah tho, skateboarding, gardening, and a second (and hopefully third) language will definitely be on the post-revolutionary cards.

wojtek
Jun 19 2012 22:52

Bosses of shit convenience food companies will be made to undergo surgery so that they'll look like this

and have WWE wrestler Mark Henry lather their new breasts with baby oil and caress them before every meal time, which will consist of their own produce not caviar, phesant, etc.

wojtek
Jun 19 2012 23:08

They'll also have to live in a student house with twelve other former bosses.

Chilli Sauce
Jun 19 2012 23:42
Quote:
They'll also have to live in a student house with twelve other former bosses...

...big brother style.

Chilli Sauce
Jul 9 2012 14:52

Not having to meet new people/old friends/relatives who brag about how many people they manage, as if they number of people "they have under them" should be something which impresses you.

Uncreative
Jul 10 2012 17:08

I wouldnt have to move from shitty ran down rental property to shitty ran down rental property every year, with a 24 hour period of homelessness between the two where i have nowhere to store my stuff.

Instead of having to look at hundreds of small, poorly designed websites that intentially obscure information from you, there would be one website for renting/borrowing moving vans.

There would be internet at the house the day you move in.

I would never again have to endure the tedium of comparing prices of phones, internet, utilities, insurance, etc.

boozemonarchy
Jul 11 2012 01:26

Passports only purpose being for collecting neat stamps. (not from nation-states, as they will be no longer) Instead, your friends may require you to bring your passport for entry into their apartment. Your friends "visa" stamp will probably be the image of a penguin eating an ice-cream cone.

You had a beer with a friend, you got the stamp, its official now, no-one cares, welcome to communism you weirdo.

Chilli Sauce
Jul 14 2012 03:58

Multiple purchase discounts: buy two bottles of boojie juice and save a dollar. Well, I don't fucking want two bottles of juice, I only want one. And instead of letting me just save fifty sense on one, I have to pay full price. Well fuck you and fuck capitalism.

Also, all this has made me think of this, The Ten Inefficiencies of Capitalism

wojtek
Jul 14 2012 12:34

Dear Chilli,

http://home.teleport.com/~droogie/edocs/StealEverything-v1_1.pdf

Yours sincerely,

Your friendly big bossman

jef costello
Jul 14 2012 13:36
Uncreative wrote:
I wouldnt have to move from shitty ran down rental property to shitty ran down rental property every year, with a 24 hour period of homelessness between the two where i have nowhere to store my stuff.

Instead of having to look at hundreds of small, poorly designed websites that intentially obscure information from you, there would be one website for renting/borrowing moving vans.

There would be internet at the house the day you move in.

I would never again have to endure the tedium of comparing prices of phones, internet, utilities, insurance, etc.

I hear you. I'd like to look at a property which had an actual kitchen and which didn't have a damp cellar masquerading as a bedroom.
"Well spotted I'll let the landlord know about that so he can take care of it."
Doubtful, as I'm assuming he's the one that painted over it and hoped along with dehumidifier I saw upstairs that would be enough to hide the damp until it was rented.

Ethos
Jul 14 2012 15:28
jef costello wrote:
Doubtful, as I'm assuming he's the one that painted over it and hoped along with dehumidifier I saw upstairs that would be enough to hide the damp until it was rented.

I'm surprised I haven't heard of a landlord trying to justify that by saying it's "green" or "eco-friendly", e.g. "Hey, mold is organic".

Chilli Sauce
Jul 14 2013 10:13

So I know I'm dragging up an old thread here, but I've got another: paying to use a public restroom.

I mean, WTF, the flagrant commodification of bodily functions. How can anyone possible support capitalism after they've paid dollar to take a piss?

Noah Fence
Jul 14 2013 15:17

No more po faced wankers condemning good pop music on the grounds that it's 'commercial'.

Speaking of landlords - no more being the most hopeless landlord in the history of capitalism because my horrible affliction, namely, a conscience!