Dear Comrades,
I feel myself having a lack of faith. Not faith in a deity, but faith in the revolution. I remember some passages from Age of Dinosaurs, and I'm paraphrasing a lot here (but they said I could do that): “the word anarchy is more than just a dream or a way of life, it is what gives us hope when we've lost everything, its what warms our hearts on the coldest nights and gives us the strength to fight on.” This has been true for me for some time now. Unfortunately, I find my resolve weakening of late. While I feel the desire for freedom and I feel that a fair and happy world is within reach, the rational side of my brain, the side that has been programmed by television and textbooks and abusive teachers with slogans like - “life's not fair, get used to it,” and “I don't care how bad you feel, suck it up and get to work,” and “No one likes to work, but everyone's gotta do it,” and of course, “utopia is impossible so why bother trying,” - is telling me precisely that.
I am facing an internal conflict that is not allowing me to do any sort of productive activity. I find it extremely difficult to work because the right side of my brain is telling me, to quote Bob Black, “Work is the source of nearly all misery in the world” (as well as grieving the loss of my childhood) and the left side isn't allowing me do do revolutionary activity because it doesn't think it will ever make a difference.
This is a big problem, one because I have to make enough money to feed myself and take care of my sick mom and two because I really want to be out there actively fixing the world.
I know I'm not the first person to struggle with this exact same conflict, and I certainly wont be the last. Class struggle is emotionally devastating, obviously, most of us are anarchists because our lives have gone horribly wrong. I never had a real family – only a negligent father who stole everything from his wife and son. Naturally my belief in anarchy stems from a desire to have a family, a big one - the size of a whole community. It comes from a desire to have friends, neighbors and even complete strangers who I can trust and love and who can give me emotional support when I need it and me give it to them when they need it. It comes from a desire to be a child again and not be forced to work on a schedule. Our lives are traumatic and while we can put aside our emotions to get things done, if you do it for too long it damages you, mentally and physically. Which is exactly what They want.
For many of us, our only contact with the anarchist community is through forums like this one. And even though many of us will never meet face to face, it may still be extremely beneficial to the health of members of this community, as well as the strength of the community, to have an electronic shoulder to cry on.
But back to my original question. Is it possible that there is some truth in another one of those cliches? I am starting to think that everyone does need a little faith. What, other than a raw, unbridled belief in the righteousness of our cause and the belief that one day we will be free, can give us hope on those cold and lonely nights. I am a skeptic by upbringing so I don’t even really understand how someone could believe in something thoroughly and intrinsically down to the very core of their being and I never had a need to do it myself. But now that skepticism is challenging my desire for freedom and I need a means of silencing the doubt.
If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.
My Sincere Gratitude,
David
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Hi there, just to say that this recent thread covers some of these topics, particularly the one around whether we believe a revolution will happen:
http://libcom.org/forums/general/assuming-we-lose-04042011
in short, I don't think it is likely in our lifetimes. But from a more long-term perspective, the Earth is going to be around for about another 5 billion years, and capitalism has only existed for a couple of hundred, so it would be foolish to assume it will always be here.