Don't fear the Rapture!

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
Submitted by xConorx on 28 May, 2008 - 18:03.

So when the Rapture hits up it's going to be fucking amazing - but not if you get LEFT BEHIND.
So for reals you can make sure when your heathen-as-fuck relatives don't get to heaven that all your shit - monies, laptops, cds n shit - can go to them.

All you have to do is give this nice company all your details including financial details and encryption code for safety-deposit storage etc.

WHY?
We all have family and friends who have failed to receive the Good News of the Gospel.
The unsaved will be 'left behind' on earth to go through the "tribulation period" after the "Rapture". You remember how, for a short time, after (9/11/01) people were open to spiritual things and answers. (We are still singing "God Bless America" at baseballs' seventh inning stretch.) Imagine how taken back they will be by the millions of missing Christians and devastation at the rapture. They will know it was true and that they have blown it. There will be a small window of time where they might be reached for the Kingdom of God. We have made it possible for you to send them a letter of love and a plea to receive Christ one last time. You will also be able to give them some help in living out their remaining time. In the encrypted portion of your account you can give them access to your banking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorneys' (you won't be needing them any more, and the gift will drive home the message of love). There won't be any bodies, so probate court will take 7 years to clear your assets to your next of Kin. 7 years of course is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the AntiChrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way. You can also send information based on scripture as to what will happen next. Each fulfilled prophecy will cause your letter and plea to be remembered and a decision to be made.
"WHY" is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames!

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Jess "The heart of a heartless world."
Posts: 2226 Joined: 26-11-04 Location: Brighton
28 May, 2008 - 18:11

What's so bad about being left behind in a world without religious nuts? I can't wait.

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
28 May, 2008 - 18:16

Oh noes Jess there will be PLENTY religious nuts - only the RIGHT religion gets Raptured up.
Plus, if you knew ANYTHING ABOUT THE RAPTURE AT ALL ffs you'd KNOW that the intervening period after the rapture and before final judgement is the TRIBULATION - it's called that for a reason!!! Get with teh programz!

Alan "Getting drunk, playing punk on a stylophone"
Posts: 5173 Joined: 28-09-04 Location: SE4
28 May, 2008 - 18:18
xConorx wrote:
Get with teh pogromz!

neutral

Jess "The heart of a heartless world."
Posts: 2226 Joined: 26-11-04 Location: Brighton
28 May, 2008 - 18:22

I wish they'd take the m00zlimz too

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
28 May, 2008 - 18:39

Jess - just download left behind: the movie
Zobag will testify to its amazingness

Jess "The heart of a heartless world."
Posts: 2226 Joined: 26-11-04 Location: Brighton
28 May, 2008 - 18:44

I've got no time to watch films. I just looked tribulation up on wiki and I'm repenting. lol.

redemma
Posts: 32 Joined: 27-03-08 Location: USA, Bellingham, WA
28 May, 2008 - 19:38

I love how in Left Behind, the antichrist is associated with the United Nations. All they needed was a few mentions of Black Helicopters, Freemasons, and the Bohemian Grove and it would be perfect...but then again, I only read the first half of the first volume, and there are like twenty more after that. So who knows...

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
28 May, 2008 - 19:44

forget the books!

It's all about the films with their low-budget effects and TV cast-offs such as Kirk Cameron from out of Growing Pains and Louis Gossett jnr of Iron Eagle fame!

David in Atlanta ""crude reductionist version of marxism""
Posts: 1920 Joined: 21-04-06
28 May, 2008 - 19:53

that's only for people who have pre-tribulation rapture tickets. There's also Prewrath rapture, Seventh Trumpet rapture, Mid-Tribulation and Post-Tribulation raptures so they'll all be leaving at different times.

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
28 May, 2008 - 20:11

true
i remember thinking how amazing it was finding out about all the different aspects of the rapture, how complex it was, and how it wasn't all just some made up bullshit wink
THE RAPTURE!!!

redemma
Posts: 32 Joined: 27-03-08 Location: USA, Bellingham, WA
29 May, 2008 - 04:01

It's a complete toss-up: get raptured off to heaven and spend eternity hanging out with Jerry Falwell, or spend the tribulation stuck in Jerry Bruckheimer's imagination.

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 08:10

I've only seen the first one, but it's COMPLETELY AMAZING

Khawaga " - not a legendary physicist."
Posts: 1084 Joined: 07-08-06 Location: London, Ontario
29 May, 2008 - 08:24

I want to play the game based on the series

Quote:
Left Behind: Eternal Forces is a real-time strategy game for Microsoft Windows by Left Behind Games.

The player joins a Christian organization (known as the Tribulation Force) who are fighting the forces of the Antichrist (known as the Global Community Peacekeepers, loosely modeled on the United Nations Peacekeepers). The game is based on the evangelical Christian Left Behind series of books.

You basically shoot up and bunch of unbelievers and since killing is really wrong all you have to do is pray and then you're forgiven!

Left Behind Games also has a series of games called Charlie Church Mouse

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 09:29

word Khawaga, Left Behind: eternal forces was touched upon a few months after my 2006 minor-obsession with Left Behind
also because of the Simpsons episode "don't fear the roofer" (s016e19)

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 09:33

another thread

Jack "Yes we can"
Posts: 10281 Joined: 22-09-03 Location: Brighton
29 May, 2008 - 09:43

according to wikipedia they're giving it away now!

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 09:49

oh fuck I'm gonna get on that shit

anyway, if the Rapture isn't true, why would it be in teh NEWZ?!!!???!1?

I sense myself regressing back to happier days of 2006 today
The Rapture: Who's Left Behind?
The Rapture And Left Behind the book's a real page-turner"

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 09:57

Left Behind 1: (The Movie) Trailer
Best acting, special effects, storyline/plot, script, and continuity in a film ever.

weeler "temp banned"
Posts: 7382 Joined: 25-09-05 Location: Dublin
29 May, 2008 - 10:10

I never understood the whole rapture idea. Never understood the whole point of life existing if there was a god either, or if there isnt actually. Am I a nihilist now?

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
29 May, 2008 - 10:14

well, strictly speaking, and on a serious note, i would say technically that the actual real and historical relevance of Rapture prophecy is mainly because IT IS COMPLETELY FUCKING AMAZING AND WILL BE SWEET AND PLANES WILL CRASH AND CARS WILL EXPLODE

Khawaga " - not a legendary physicist."
Posts: 1084 Joined: 07-08-06 Location: London, Ontario
29 May, 2008 - 10:47

The Rapture index is a must read. It is the "prophetic speedometer of end-time activity".

It is now at 169 (down one since last time it was updated), and according to the legend at the bottom of the page we should "fasten our seatbelts".

weeler "temp banned"
Posts: 7382 Joined: 25-09-05 Location: Dublin
29 May, 2008 - 10:52

Their list of signs of the rapture...

Quote:
1. False Christs
2. Occult
3. Satanism
4. Unemployment
5. Inflation
6. Interest Rates
7. The Economy
8. Oil Supply/Price
9. Debt and Trade
10. Financial unrest
11. Leadership
12. Drug abuse
13. Apostasy
14. Supernatural
15. Moral Standards
16. Anti-Christian
17. Crime Rate
18. Ecumenism
19. Globalism
20. Tribulation Temple
21. Anti-Semitism
22. Israel
23. Gog (Russia)
24. Persia (Iran)
25. The False Prophet
26. Nuclear Nations
27. Global Turmoil
28. Arms Proliferation
29. Liberalism
30. The Peace Process
31. Kings of the East
32. Mark of the Beast
33. Beast Government
34. The Antichrist
35. Date Settings
36. Volcanoes
37. Earthquakes
38. Wild Weather
39. Civil Rights
40. Famine
41. Drought
42. Plagues
43. Climate
44. Food Supply
45. Floods

At first I thought I was on internationalism reading their page about decadence...

Khawaga " - not a legendary physicist."
Posts: 1084 Joined: 07-08-06 Location: London, Ontario
29 May, 2008 - 10:58
Quote:
At first I thought I was on internationalism reading their page about decadence...

LULZ!

jef costello "Beautiful, just like Nuremburg"
Posts: 9964 Joined: 09-02-06 Location: razorblade of apathy, shave me with your irony
29 May, 2008 - 11:38
Quote:
39. Civil Rights

weeler "temp banned"
Posts: 7382 Joined: 25-09-05 Location: Dublin
29 May, 2008 - 11:43

32. Nationalisation

jef costello "Beautiful, just like Nuremburg"
Posts: 9964 Joined: 09-02-06 Location: razorblade of apathy, shave me with your irony
29 May, 2008 - 11:53

9. Debt and Trade

xConorx "facts tend to cloud my judgement"
Posts: 10827 Joined: 09-12-04 Location: Belfast
5 July, 2008 - 17:52

RAPTURE N SHIT!

Randy ""Spreading the Gospel of Sausage Gravy.""
Posts: 471 Joined: 31-01-07 Location: East By-God Kentucky, USA
6 July, 2008 - 01:29
xConorx wrote:
RAPTURE N SHIT!

Not funny. Too much like my former neighbors back in Georgia. ("Beam me up, Jesus!")

Randy ""Spreading the Gospel of Sausage Gravy.""
Posts: 471 Joined: 31-01-07 Location: East By-God Kentucky, USA
6 July, 2008 - 11:17

delete multiple post (got drupal error and thought it didn't take).

Randy ""Spreading the Gospel of Sausage Gravy.""
Posts: 471 Joined: 31-01-07 Location: East By-God Kentucky, USA
6 July, 2008 - 11:18

delete multiple post (got drupal error and thought it didn't take).

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