How not to pass exams

Or: how to fuck up essays (and incidentally cause the marker to weep and laugh)

" Jack Nicholson's character in Chinatown is a privet eye" He investigates bush? let's leave that....
"After WW2 the Russians built the Iron curtain to separate West and East Germany" no. Kill me now.
" In film noir a principal character is that of the femme fetal"yeh, them femme fetals are bloody dangerous
"During WW2 things were a bit topsy-turvy..." slightly accurate if worryingly vague

and my absolute favourite:
"the heroine takes refuge in a toilet stall - we see a shadow pass under the door into the next cubicle, and now (their spelling) that this is to induicate threat as ghosts don't use the toilet" I dunno - it would explain why loo roll runs out quicker than you expect....

I'll try and find my favourite graphs....

i failed a recent exam by spending the previous night watching review after review of Godzilla movies...

and i dont even like Godzilla

I had a few like these from my students but sadly the photos were on my laptop that died so no one will ever see them.

err... i take it you're a Godzilla fan then?

ta very much xconorx and dee.

gonna end up a proper academic now like, so i am

well, its an easy ride. I'm still trying to adjust to being a 'proper' lecturer. Apaprently this means that hitting the equipment in lecture rooms is a no-no, and I have to write a book. I will - it will be on chewable, easy clean material and will focus on the acquisitional urge of repressed creatures. "Mr Ducky finds a ball" will be a defining piece of academic literature. Failing that, I'll tart up my phd to piss of the american academic who is on my turf.