Libertarian Communist 1st person shoot-em-up
Feb 8 2009 03:00
Notch8 came up with the idea of a communist 1st-person shooter game, where you play a character who goes around shooting all the oddballs that seem to gravitate aroudn the anarchist movement.
I reckon it should play like Goldeneye. In fact, as far as I'm concerned it basically IS Goldeneye, but with faces changed to the sorts of monsters that are involved with shit like that anti-medicine crap, homeschoolers, anti-vaccinationists, primmos, HakimBey types, punks, and BReasonable.
Each level would have a different objective (list compiled with assistance of Notch):
Mission 1 - Plane Stupid have invaded the runway and halted 30 flights at Stansted
Objective: Immobilise the protestors using non-lethal force, and throw them to the angry mob of delayed travellers
Mission 2 - 911 Truth Commission have set up a stall at the London Bookfair
Objective: This is a covert op.The crowded hall cannot be disturbed. Place a sniper in the rafters, taking out both nutters (there is only two in the whole group), send in ground operatives to place a banner over the offending 911 conspiracy nut propaganda about the new series of 24.
Bonus objective: set fire to the Active Dist. stall for selling '911 Just Do It' shirts doing this before you shoot the conspiracy nuts will provide a distraction.
Mission 3 - Anti-vaccinationists are sharing a stall with the Socialist Patients Kollective
Objective: Short mission. Using only a ninja dart and toxic poison (illustrated by skull and crossbones on bottle) you are to eliminate the stall holders quickly and quietly, removing the bodies in 'bags of books from your stall'
Mission 4 - You go to a punk gig. You remember that punk is the shittest form of music ever and that they are complete anti social a-political wankers
Objective: Speed round. Your weapon is a flamethrower, burn alive as many punks at the gig. For every band member you get, you receive an extra life.
Mission 5 - Organising a meeting. Some comrades of yours organise an open public meeting about anarchism. Some hippies come along and talk about gender and the environment and reckon class 'isn't really their thing'.
Objective: No shooting in this level. Your weapon is a baton, and several wrist restraints. Take the loudest hippy and throw them out the window. Use a shard of glass to sever the jugular of the drip who is telling the girls he understands how they are oppresed by patriarchy. You identify the remaining hippies quickly, tie them to chairs, and force everyone at the meeting to watch Rambo 4. Because it is the best film ever made.
Mission 6 - Buy Nothing Day. It's your mum's birthday tomorrow and you run into town to get a present card because you love her and she is the best mum anyone could ever have. Some hippy cunts are protesting outside the shop you want to go into for 'Buy Nothing Day'.
Objective: Go to the top of the building opposite with a sniper rifle. Take out each and every one of them. As they scatter, you must pick them off, one by one. If you are so inclined, you may take to the ground and follwothem into shops where they may be cowering, but BE CAREFUL, the shops close in ten minutes so don't waste to much time on anti-hippy vendettas.
Bonus: if you buy her all 5 series of The Wire your character gets to sit down and watch them too.
and so on.... there are lots more potential levels. Feel free to add your own and I'll compile them in probably the best game ever.
The ending it basically turns out that all of these weirdos are essentially part of an international paedophile ring, so by accomplishing each objective, you have made every child in the world a bit safer.
Feb 8 2009 03:35
#2
mission 8
anti-vaccination types are congregating in a building. Beforee the meeting begins you need to sneak in and hide some radioactive isotopes. As they leave the meeting you sneeze on them, with their decimated immune systems they will stand even less chance than a child that hasn't had it's MMR.
Feb 8 2009 09:07
#3
Surely mission 3 should involve a dart with a treatable disease which is fatal if left untreated?
Mission 9
Pro-Hamas protestors are stalking the streets as part of a major anti-war protest demanding that women put on headscarves in solidarity with the oppressed people of Palestine. This is a close-quarter scenario, as they are threading through crowds of civilians, so identifying and dispatching them all within the timeframe will be challenging. Bonus points for destroying the speakers' podium, and for leaving relevant pieces of Hamas literature denouncing infidel non-muslims and labour organisers on the persons of those you eliminate.
Feb 8 2009 12:23
#4
I'm not too great at games stuff,never getting beyond the megadrive, but shouldn't there be a speed/agility mission dealing with those critical mass bikers?
BTW, libcommunity is great again - this and the thread on anti-education wankers has made my weekend.
Feb 8 2009 12:35
#5
I think doing something brutal to the Space Hijackers would be a winner. You know in Doom where you got that power-up which made your vision go red and you could gib zombies with one punch? Wading in with that as they do something embarrassing on a tube train/in the city/on Mayday would be pretty satisfying.
Feb 8 2009 13:23
#6
dee wrote:
BTW, libcommunity is great again - this and the thread on anti-education wankers has made my weekend.
Youre easily pleased!!
Feb 8 2009 13:26
#7
Fuck, this game is going to be amazing!
Great additions, I'd like to think people will add more too.
I wish someone knew how to make computer games and would make this come true...
Feb 8 2009 14:46
#8
notch8 wrote:
dee wrote:
BTW, libcommunity is great again - this and the thread on anti-education wankers has made my weekend.Youre easily pleased!!
It's having the attention span of a concussed wasp that does it. Srsly, shit week made better by envisaging flying limbs and tactical decisions.
Feb 8 2009 14:59
#9
dee wrote:
I'm not too great at games stuff,never getting beyond the megadrive, but shouldn't there be a speed/agility mission dealing with those critical mass bikers?
Driving mission, Grand Theft Auto style, surely?
Feb 8 2009 15:06
#10
Mission 10 - You are running late for work, and as you drive through the town, you are suddenly caught behind a swarm of hippies on bikes, protesting that anything with an engine is teh murder. You have already been warned that if you are late one more time you will be sacked.
Objective: Keeping one hand on the wheel, you aim a sawn-off out the window, blasting the hippies one by one, reloading with your teeth, running over more with your car
Bonus points if you get to work on time, with a dead hippie still flapping on the bonnet of your car.
Feb 8 2009 15:25
#11
Mission 11 - You are at the pub with a cute girl when a number of anarchists begin debating whether "incest" ought be a crime, embarrassing you and leaving her totally confused as to what sort of people you hang out with. Take out the offending anarchoids with just your empty pint glass - time limit - do it before she returns from the toilets.
Feb 9 2009 02:53
#12
Mission 12. You see an ABC stall in your local city centre, the 'activists' on the stall are demanding prison abolition. Your mission is to go drinking (be careful not to end up drunk) with the comrades from ABC and lure them back to the flat of a recently released pyschotic murderer who appreciates their abolitionist position. Abandoning them there (you need to ensure you are not caught by said murderer yourself) they will be plied with more alcohol and then boiled alive and then beheaded. Extra points for returning and blowing the psychotic murderer to shit with a sawn off shotgun.
Feb 8 2009 15:33
#13
Mission 13: Ka-blamba!
One of the activist movement's most feared Samba bands is leading a noise demo against arms manufacturing. You have until the end of the march to silence them using any means necessary. Be careful though, as each dies the noise will gradually subside into blissful silence, making your activities more easily detected - and if you are noticed, you may fall victim to a concerted assault to the ears.
Feb 8 2009 15:48
#14
we need a nonce level.
Feb 8 2009 16:07
#15
Mission 14:
You are at a generic demo with your comrades. A bunch of cretins are dressed up as clowns and are fannying around with the police. The onlookers you are trying to convince that you aren't mentalists now think you are annoying twats who should be brutalised to the full extent of the law.
Disguising yourself as a clown, dispatch the full troupe of failures by getting them to pack into a tiny car as part of an comic "action" to confuse the police, before setting it alight. Watch as they desperately try to dislodge themselves from each others bodies. Extra points if you trick them into using greasepaint laced with kerosine beforehand.
Feb 8 2009 19:00
#16
there needs to be a mission featuring Bob Black and the Editors of "Anarchy: a journal of desire armed".
Mission 15: This mission is a tactical assassination mission where you have to find the addresses of the editors of the pretentiously titled A:aJoDA. You can dress up as a hardcore kid (hoodie, spiked belt and all) so that nobody suspects you. The editors must then be disposed of one by one without incurring any collateral damage to the "normal people" they deride who are mostly workers and our class brothers. There is a bonus mission here unlocked by uncovering Bob Black's address, where he is dealt with by luring him into a fake meeting with what he believes are "police informants".
Then there is a part where you can sneak into the A:aJoDA offices and replace the upcoming issue's text with "you are lame, you are lame, you are lame, you are lame, you are lame, you are lame."
Feb 9 2009 00:46
#17
Django, don't those people usually get the riot police to take care of them, really?
Feb 9 2009 02:51
#18
Mission 16: Hippy tree-hugging fuckers. No shooting - we're using bulldozers for this one instead!
This mission is set in the future, its a future where we have workers control of society and libertarian communism but are unfortunately still plagued by arsehole hippy fuckers who think they know what 'anarchy' is really all about man. The road workers syndicate has been instructed to construct a new motorway in the south of Ireland (the bit that used to be the republic and is still marred in places by piss poor public transport and roads infrastructure), 30 hippy tree huggers have chained themselves to five old trees and an ancient rock with what may or may not be some ancient celtic graffiti on it that are on the site of the proposed motorway. Some of them have 'constructed' a very unsafe tree house at the top of one of the trees. You are the road workers syndicate and it is your responsibility to the rest of society to go ahead and bulldoze those trees down whether the hippies move or not (and they won't cos they're wankers). Once the trees have been 'murdered' and the hippies are lying mangled all over the site of the new motorway you can get extra points for starting construction right over the top of them while they try and heal each other with their fucking crystals.
Feb 9 2009 03:03
#19
Mission 17. Stone, but more selective.
A 'leading' libertarian socialist is attending the funeral of a former Irish nationalist 'freedom fighter'. This funeral is at Milltown and packed to the gills with nationalists. You are armed with a sniper rifle - but finding a safe vantage point from which to take your shot, getting a clear shot of your target and escaping will all require skill, intelligence and luck (and as you are a libertarian communist assassin as opposed to a loyalist you cannot expect the PSNI/RUC to snatch you from the baying crowd if they catch up with you and start kicking you to death). Your target is the 'leading' libertarian socialist carrying the coffin who must be taken out before he can write and publish anything that claims to link libertarian socialism with the 'progressive' politics of the dead nationalist who is being buried thus saving embarassment to and ongoing organisational difficulties for the wider libertarian communist movement in Northern Ireland.
Feb 9 2009 03:55
#20
These are all fantastic. Damn this game will be good.
Mission 18 - Grown men hanging around schools
You receive a call from a member of an anarchist student network. They inform you that a man has been coming to the school gates everyday for a week asking kids if they would like him to 'organise' them. He tells them he knows lots of other men aged 25-60 who have lots of experience of 'organising kids'.
Objective: you are to provide weaponry and intelligence as to the whereabouts of said 'organisers' to the anarchist students. You accompany the student mob to the homes of these paedophiles, I mean 'organisers', and firebomb them. You have done your background research, and they are all single and live alone, so no innocent bystanders will be hurt. As they emerge from their flaming homes running for their lives, you unload 50 bullets into their still-burning bodies as they emit hellish screams.
Feb 9 2009 03:24
#21
Yep, I fucking love this - but now I'm worried about sleeping in for work 
Can we vote on our favourite missions at the end of this thread? Maybe when we reach the 30 mark? Go for selecting the best 50% mibbe?
Feb 9 2009 03:51
#22
weeler wrote:
we need a nonce level.
Well like I said, it turns out that all the levels' baddies (tree huggers, Plane Stupid, anti-vaccinationists etc) are part of an international paedophile ring.
The FINAL MISSION - Paedogeddon (with heavy input from Notch and Revol)
[people can of course keep adding others, but this is good so it has to stay]
As you defeat the baddies and acheive the objectives on each level, you gradually uncover the thread uniting all the irrational, mental, anti-social, anti-communist baddies throughout the game; they are ALL part of an international paedophile ring. You uncover this truth, when, upon finishing the penultimate mission, you come face-to-face with TOM O'CARROLL, author of Paedophilia: the radical case. You get a bit of sick in you throat when you realise this, but as a brave libertarian communist soldier, you swallow it quickly and realise it is your duty to dispatch with this monster as quick as possible.
O'Carroll quickly morphs into 12ft 'emboldened by drink' version of himself and starts throwing fireball versions of his 'nonce's bible' at you and shouting 'I love you Chris'. Use your full range of weaponry to blow the shit out of him.
Once you have dispatched with you noncey foe, you get ready to walk into the sunset... BUT... like any good final level, a wall begins to crumble, and behind it, the REAL FINAL BOSS.
It's none other than A GIANT MECHANIZED ROBOT CONTROLLED BY HAKIM BEY!.
The robot emits 'paedophile gas' at you, so make sure to stock up on antidote beforehand. Dodge the electrified 'bags of sweets' the titanium paed throws your way, and be careful not to fall into the 'temporary autonomous zone' as parts of the ground beneath you crumble away.
This final level will be the ultimate test of your libertarian communist skills and agility. The fate of children everywhere rest in your hands - are you ready to fight?
Feb 9 2009 03:39
#23
Boulcolonialboy wrote:
Yep, I fucking love this - but now I'm worried about sleeping in for workCan we vote on our favourite missions at the end of this thread? Maybe when we reach the 30 mark? Go for selecting the best 50% mibbe?
Yep, seems fair.
People get your submissions in!
I'll do a blog post of the final ones 
Feb 9 2009 03:53
#24
Mission 19 - Young Earth nutters
You take your nephew and niece and a few mates to the local natural history museum so they can learn lots of amazingly sweet stuff about the world around them. But when you get there, a bunch of loony christians are handing out young-earth creationist literature saying that the world is 10,000 yrs old and that if they embrace materialistic explanations for the abundance and diversity of life they will be not only cast into the flaming pits of hell for denying God credit for his creation, but also that they will lead a depraved life of sodomy, devoid of any sort of morality, where chaos and pandemonium rule and they will all die of AIDS. Kids are already fleeing in tears when you arrive.
Objective: You and the kids go to the Botanic gardens next-door and get some chainsaws, hammers, and pick axes. You and your young pals must dispatch with as many christians in as bloody and brutal a way imaginable - extra points for splitting their skulls with your weapon of choice. But be QUICK! The final dinosaur exhibit tour of the day starts in 15 minutes, and if you don't make the queue they won't let you in, and that would suck, because everyone fucking loves dinosaurs!.
Feb 9 2009 12:21
#25
Mission 20 - Time to sink Crimethinc
A city-wide mission, you must locate and destroy Crimethincers in their natural habitats. Starting at the airport, where you must lure them into thinking you are an easily scammable tourist before killing them with extreme prejudice, you must then search the dumpsters of the city, beating to death anyone who is clearly a middle-class tourist with the words 'if you're not enjoying this, you're doing it wrong'. Finally, you must find the editors of Rolling Thunder, probably gathered around a fire in a park just outside the city appreciating the wonders of nature, and suffocate them with a rolled up copy of the journal.
Feb 9 2009 13:02
#26
I think it needs hidden bonus levels for the player to unlock, eg:
Someone wants to beat you up at the bookfair over a disagreement on the internet. You have to evade him until he gets frustrated (shown by beer and testosterone meters on the side of the screen) and punches someone else instead.
You break into a primivist's house to liberate them from the crushing evils of technology. You have 5 minutes to break everything that relies on post stone age technology before the police turn up. Bonus points for discovering the heart medicine they rely upon to live and flushing it down the toilet.
Feb 9 2009 13:04
#27
A Bonus round (based on Tetris, and mebbe you could get health points/bonuses as the speed gets faster)
Congratulations! your careful planning and wide scale destruction have successfully rid the local area of your targets. But the bodies are piling up and you and your fellow fighters must now deal with the accumulated scummy dregs in a planned, work minimising manner.
As the bodies fall into the pit, rotate them so that they stack neatly, maximising space for future missions. The quicker you get it done, the quicker you can continue....
Feb 9 2009 13:14
#28
Mission 21 -Library anti-socials
You visit the library to look up a veterinary book cos your dog has a funny rash on its paw. It's quiet as you enter, everyone's enjoying the benefits of the shared resources; kids are flicking through the encyclopedias and getting some books about dinosaurs, some elderly users are learning email in the corner, and a woman is getting a book about pregnancy, because she plans to trap her boyfriend into marrying her.
Then, some cunt paedophile starts using his mobile phone in the library, disturbing everyone's learning, and putting kids all over the world at risk because he's obviously a nonce. The staff are afraid to approach him.
Objective:
Ask the staff can they give you the plastic bag from the bin behind the till. Sneak up behind the offender and suffocate him with the plastic bag over his head, dragging him through the library as his lasts breaths leave his body.
Some local kids volunteer to help you string him up outside the library as a warning to other nonces or anti-socials who might consider visiting the library.
Feb 9 2009 13:13
#29
That's not really an activist thing is it, that's more someone you found annoying today 
.
Also it should be mission 21.
Feb 9 2009 13:14
#30
I like Tigeriskills and Dee's secret levels a lot
Mission 7 - Its after closing time at the supermarket. Some Crimethinc. types are approaching the skips, to bin-hoke for defrosted soggy pizzas, which they will hype up as a revolutionary act on their way to glue up the only bank machine near your house. UNLESS....you emerge from behind the skips wearing a boiler suit and gas mask, armed only with a hammer. Bludgeon them all and leave them in the skips as a message.
Bonus points if you shove bits of the pizza into the bodies mouths.