pissed at work
Oct 5 2006
right, i stumbled in at 4am, passed out, and was meant to be up at 6 for work, missed my train, turned up late, and have winged my way through 2 meetings already despite being still pissed. fuck i'm gonna crash this afternoon 
, but anyway, ignore any attempts at serious discussion from me today 
, but it's a good excuse to have a thread on:
a) tips to avoid detection while pissed in the office (i'm chewing gum like mad to cover the booze on my breath 
)
b) funny stories of said pissedness (revol, i'm looking in your dirction ).
i suppose this is what a blog is for really but hey ...
Oct 5 2006
#2
thass whas i'm worrys abouts
Oct 5 2006
#3
Well, you could always sleep with your boss, then they won't care that you are drunk. In fact they'll probably be trying to get you more drunk!
Oct 5 2006
#4
Oct 5 2006
#5
Since no one else seems to sympathise with your plight, I have some more suggestions...
1) Act drunk even when you are sober, then no one will know when you really are drunk.
2) If anyone asks you if you are drunk, claim that alcoholism is a mental illness and you are protected by the 2002 Mental Health Anti-Discrimination Act (or some other made up piece of legislation).
3) Claim that you have a rare neurological disorder that has symptoms that coincidentally make you look as if you are drunk.
4) Only perform those day to day tasks that involve lying unconscious in a puddle of your own sick.
5) Admit that you have a drinking problem and seek professional help.
I hope some of these are of help to you.
Oct 5 2006
#6
yeah 36 views and no comments but yours ...
hmmmm. come on people ...
Oct 5 2006
#7
Make yourself a nice cup of tea?
Oct 5 2006
#8
Quote:
1) Act drunk even when you are sober, then no one will know when you really are drunk.
i actually think i'm so eyes-glazed normally that its hard for people to tell the difference . alienated labour to the rescue!
Oct 5 2006
#9
zobag wrote:
Make yourself a nice cup of tea?
except the drinks machine needs an electronic keycard, which is at home on the side next to my wallet and my lunch 
i'm eating an apple though, i'm sure you're glad to know.
Oct 5 2006
#10
Can't you ask to borrow someone else's key card?
You gotta have tea! Good work on the apple.
Oct 5 2006
#11
zobag wrote:
Can't you ask to borrow someone else's key card?
that requires communication
but yeah i'll probably work myself up to it or i'll just fall asleep
Oct 5 2006
#12
For future reference purposes: number 3 is called cerebellar ataxia.
Oct 5 2006
#13
cerebellar ataxia is my new favourite malady
Oct 5 2006
#14
Whats you job?
Oct 5 2006
#15
Wine taster!
Oct 5 2006
#16
data analyst; i'm staring at some bastard excel formulae now hoping they'll start making sense at some point ...
Oct 5 2006
#17
Hi
Yeah being pissed at work is totally out of order. Pull your weight. What if you were a nurse or something? Just coz you've got a stupid useless job that no-one notices you're not doing, doesn't mean we haven't.
Ha ha. Only joking, nothing personal.
LR
Oct 5 2006
#18
... but luckily i cleared most of my work due today yesterday, but didn't tell my boss that
nearly half-way through the day already too
Oct 5 2006
#19
ho ho
Oct 5 2006
#20
Have a beer to level yourself, if you don't want to be level have a couple more, then you'll be proper pissed and won't care!
Or go for the Vodka and coke option, then you can have it on your desk and keep yourself topped up.
Oct 5 2006
#21
I'd have called in sick, and gone to the pub.
Oct 5 2006
#22
should have really, i'm a bit dissapointed at myself for managing to get out of bed, dressed and on the train to work without really waking up, as a sort of reflex work-ethic
Oct 5 2006
#23
Joseph K. wrote:
zobag wrote:
Make yourself a nice cup of tea?except the drinks machine needs an electronic keycard, which is at home on the side next to my wallet and my lunch
i'm eating an apple though, i'm sure you're glad to know.
You need to use an electronic keycard in order to access tea!!! And even then it will only be that awful machine tea.Thats not tea!! 
This would provide my solution!!! I would refuse to work until proper tea facilities are provided. A bit of old-school "I'm all Alright Jack" kinda IR!! 
Love
LW X
Oct 5 2006
#24
Joseph K. wrote:
should have really, i'm a bit dissapointed at myself for managing to get out of bed, dressed and on the train to work without really waking up, as a sort of reflex work-ethic :(
That's one on the saddest things I've ever heard
Oct 5 2006
#25
yeah machine tea sucks, so far i seem to have averted hangoverness with copious quantities of water. though i'm still a bit miffed at my sleepwalking work ethic, i take comfort in the fact i'm obviously so unproductive that nobody seems to notice when i roll in late in a coma
Oct 5 2006
#26
I found the answer
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9907E4DB1630F937A25751C1A9629C8B63
Now to get it redirected to your office.
Oct 5 2006
#27
It's good it means that you aren't in thrall to ther man when sober.
I find the best wayis to either pretend to be in a bad mood, or pretend to be ill. Often your boss will be so happy with your dedication he won't notice how fucked you are.
Do not try to drive a pump truck 
Oct 5 2006
#28
i can't even think about vodka right now
but now i am
Oct 5 2006
#29
jef costello wrote:
I find the best wayis to either pretend to be in a bad mood, or pretend to be ill.
top tip, blatantly spoken from experience i don't even have to pretend that hard
Oct 5 2006
#30
BB wrote:
I found the answer
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9907E4DB1630F937A25751C1A9629C8B63Now to get it redirected to your office.
Then swap it over to the water supply, everyone gets pissed, your boss'll be to pissed to care, have a party. Then you can come into work tomorrow, everyone'll have a hangover and you can start again!
The thing is, when you are pissed you think you can hide it, when everyone can quite clearly see that you are pissed. It's like drunk people who think they can drive, and swerve about all over the road at 5 mph, thinking "Nobody'll shushpect a thing!"