Quality of jokes my dad forwards
Feb 25 2008
Not really up to much like
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be".
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"
And *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini..."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.
"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!
Feb 25 2008
#2
He's def not gay - he had fullsex with a woman AT LEAST three times mate.
Here - Stewart Lee tomorrow - you get your ticket, me and my mate will arrive in Dublin bout 6.
Feb 25 2008
#3
my dad just forwards me those awful things that youre supposed to send to "ten people you love" or whatever, "and see if this comes back to you", often with pictures of angels and that on the end. hes atheist but i think he gets most of them from the born again christians in our extended family.
Feb 25 2008
#4
Quote:
Additional Information:
Over 18's - ID Required***SOLD OUT***
Spent all my moneys on booze, sake. Might try get in on my Press card. Working until 5pm though.
Feb 25 2008
#5
arf wrote:
my dad just forwards me those awful things that youre supposed to send to "ten people you love" or whatever, "and see if this comes back to you", often with pictures of angels and that on the end. hes atheist but i think he gets most of them from the born again christians in our extended family.
My dad just forward dirty jokes he gets from workmates.
GDID - you're such an eejit. Yeah use your cunting press-pass, bat your eyelids to someone on the door, whatever
Feb 25 2008
#6
How isn't that a good joke? 
Feb 25 2008
#7
Meh, it's not a terrible joke it's just not really very good either.
Feb 25 2008
#8
my dads idea of a funny joke is Need another Seven astronauts or something about the Irish, Polish, or Ethiopians. it wasnt funny in the eighties and its only got worse 
Feb 25 2008
#9
its a pretty crap joke. its not funny and im just left thinking, what a stupid woman. 1600 in six months, quantity over quality, shes going to be sore but i wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt experience a single orgasm.
Feb 26 2008
#10
arf wrote:
my dads idea of a funny joke is Need another Seven astronauts or something about the Irish, Polish, or Ethiopians. it wasnt funny in the eighties and its only got worse :(
Your dad sounds like a laugh to be honest.
Feb 26 2008
#11
not really. but hes handy around the house and hes good for an argument.
Feb 26 2008
#12
Sounds but it'd be like having Alf Garnett about the house, great craic.
Feb 26 2008
#13
if alf garnett had a spanish accent and looked a bit like a chucklebrother 
Feb 26 2008
#14
who does your dad look like? i need to imagine him telling the joke to know if it would be funny or no.
Feb 26 2008
#15
arf wrote:
if alf garnett had a spanish accent and looked a bit like a chucklebrother
Fuck that sounds even funnier!
Feb 26 2008
#16
arf wrote:
who does your dad look like? i need to imagine him telling the joke to know if it would be funny or no.
Alan Partridge 
Feb 26 2008
#17
really really? 
Feb 26 2008
#18
Can't be as bad as my uncles jokes.
IT's a mixture of shit internet jokes that are at least five years old and lists of how women are different to men.
Feb 26 2008
#19
arf wrote:
really really?
Yeah in "I'm Alan Partridge" era, not "Knowing me knowing you" era.
jef costello wrote:
Can't be as bad as my uncles jokes.
IT's a mixture of shit internet jokes that are at least five years old and lists of how women are different to men.
Yep I get them too, but from more than just my dad, older cousins etc
Feb 26 2008
#20
yeh but who does your dad look like jef?
Feb 26 2008
#21
arf wrote:
yeh but who does your dad look like jef?
Nigel Planer
Feb 26 2008
#22
sad eyes
Feb 26 2008
#23
Re: Alan P - the title of the Christmas special was v. funny - funnier than the show - "Knowing me, knowing yule. "
Feb 26 2008
#24
arf wrote:
sad eyes :(
Don't worry arf, Conor's just kidding
Feb 26 2008
#25
latest one
Subject: For the non PC amongst us
HILLYBILLY DAYVORCE
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a
visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer
said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'
The lawyer said, 'Do you have any
grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No,
No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit? The farmer said, 'Yes, I
got a
suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I
mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but
I got a
John Deere. The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The
farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'
The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer
said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'
By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question .The
lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a
little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants
a dayvorce.'
Apr 17 2008
#26
Another "classic"
Two men at the door last night - asked me which bread I preferred.
I told them I like white.
They spent half an hour telling me how good brown bread is. Bloody Hovis witnesses.
Apr 17 2008
#27
xConorx wrote:
Another "classic"
Two men at the door last night - asked me which bread I preferred.
I told them I like white.
They spent half an hour telling me how good brown bread is. Bloody Hovis witnesses.
I love your dad's cheesy jokes!
Tell him from me, "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast". I remember you telling me he is an RD fan - the man has taste. 
Apr 17 2008
#28
Fuckin hell, my entire childhood was spent listening to him quote Rimmer lines, especially Ace Rimmer.
Apr 18 2008
#29
Lone Wolf wrote:
xConorx wrote:
Another "classic"
Two men at the door last night - asked me which bread I preferred.
I told them I like white.
They spent half an hour telling me how good brown bread is. Bloody Hovis witnesses.I love your dad's cheesy jokes!
Tell him from me, "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast". I remember you telling me he is an RD fan - the man has taste.
stoke me a clipper, i'll be back for christmas.
Apr 18 2008
#30
Here's one from my dad (a few months ago -- it was topical then).
Michael Barrymore gets asked by a reporter if he'll be doing panto this year. "No chance," he says, "I did a lad in* four years ago, and I haven't heard the end of it."
* Aladdin. lol
Your dad is gay.