Stalin-Trotsky story

Submitted by Alf on 4 October, 2006 - 00:22.

Know any Stalin-Trotsky stories?

According to the one I heard, Stalin once received a telegram from the exiled Trotsky. The version I got didn’t put a precise date on the event, but I imagine it would have been around the period of the Moscow trials and the war in Spain, when the struggle against Trotsky-fascism was at its height. Trotsky was in exile in Mexico, and was agitating for the political overthrow of what he called the “Stalinist caste”, a bureaucratic stratum which had grown like a parasite on the body of the workers’ state. Many of his followers had been exiled to Siberia, imprisoned, or shot, while others had capitulated to Stalin, either by choice or after being exposed to the high pressure salesmanship of the GPU/NKVD. And yet to many, in Russia and world wide, Trotsky remained a powerful symbol of the original internationalist, insurrectionist heart of the Bolshevik party.

The telegram had perhaps, for security reasons, been placed in an envelope and delivered to Stalin’s desk in the Kremlin, by an obsequious NKVD official, who may or may not have known its contents.

We don’t know whether Stalin had slept well the night before and was feeling his bluff genial self, looking forward to a day of puffing on the old pipeweed, a bit of dialectical materialist theory, and a few good deeds for the children of the proletariat and peasantry. Or whether he had woken up in a bit of a mood and was being assailed by one of his strange paranoiac fantasies, in which he was cast in the character of a Byzantine despot, universally feared and profoundly hated, surrounded by treacherous yes-men who would betray him at the first sign of weakness, pursued at every turn by dark conspiracies and murderous plots, and thus ready at all moments to strike out against the plotters before they struck out at him.

If the envelope contained any indication to Stalin that it was indeed from Trotsky, Stalin would certainly have torn it open with pounding heart and racing mind. But imagine his sheer disbelief, his confused uncertainty, and then his untrammelled joy, upon making out the short message it contained:

To The General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union,
The Kremlin,
Moscow

From Leon Trotsky

Mexico…..193….

Dear comrade Stalin:

You are the great leader of the world proletariat. You are the theoretician of the socialist revolution. You are the true heir of Lenin and of Bolshevism.

Trotsky

This was certainly a moment of extraordinary elation for Joseph D. After all, he had always had doubts about his being truly worthy of Lenin’s mantle. He had long felt that the other Old Bolsheviks, especially those Jew intellectuals, Zinoviev, Kamenev, and Trotsky, and that other professor, Bukharin, had looked down on him and mocked his rather rudimentary grasp of Marxist theory. Especially Trotsky, the upstart, the outsider, the Menshevik. The days around October 1917 when Trotsky was not only been admitted into the party but almost immediately promoted to the rank of Lenin’s right hand man, had not been forgotten; and neither had the period after 1923 when Trotsky first began to throw in his lot with the ‘Oppositionists’ in the party, the so-called left wing.

Now all that suddenly lost its power to rancour. Stalin had preserved the workers’ state far better than Trotsky could ever have done, with his rootless cosmopolitan dreams of world wide revolution. And now he, Joseph D, the lowly activist from Georgia, was leading the Soviet Union towards a new epoch of history, towards socialism itself. And finally, after years of bitter polemic, after torrents of frightful slander and abuse, Trotsky too had capitulated. Trotsky had recognised the truth. Not because – as was regrettably the case with some of the others – Stalin’s prison-guards and hit-men were holding a gun to his head and the heads of his family (well, at least not every day), but because the great Marxist theoretician Trotsky had come to recognise that he had been deeply mistaken, and that Stalin had been proved right. Stalin wanted to believe this so strongly that he almost succeeded in expelling from his thoughts the notion that this whole business was a trap, and was at the very least a sinister attempt by Trotsky to fuck with his mind.

This news was of such historic significance that Stalin decided to call a mass rally in Red Square in order to announce it to the proletarians of the Soviet Union and of the world entire. Stalin, surrounded by the eminent dignitaries of the USSR, standing in a high podium festooned with red flags, read the letter out himself to a vast throng of Communist Party members, and non-party delegates from factories and collective farms all over the country. After the Father of the Peoples read out Trotsky’s words of abject capitulation, there was a moment of stunned silence, hastily broken by watchful KGB men who took it upon themselves to be in the vanguard of tumultuous cheering and applause.

When several tidal waves of approbation had finally subsided, there was again a moment of silence; and Stalin, ever the upholder of workers’ democracy, asked the assembled multitude if anyone, any rank and file party member or non-party comrade, would like to make a contribution to the debate. Again silence, the silence of utter dread.

And yet from the massed ranks in Red Square, a single hand went up. It was the hand of a delegate from the autonomous Jewish republic of Birobijan, socialism’s solution to the Jewish question within the USSR.

To recall: “In 1928 Stalin set aside an area of 14,000 square miles in the remote, sparsely populated Biro-Bidzhanskii District of the Soviet Far East for resettlement of Jews. In 1934 the area was officially declared the Jewish Autonomous Region – with the promise that, when Jews numbered at least 100,000 or accounted for a majority of the region’s population, it would become a Soviet republic. Yiddish, as the language of the secular Jewish proletariat, was an official language of the JAR, and in 1936 Stalin decreed the territory the centre of Jewish culture within the Soviet Union” (Jewish Quarterly no 198, summer 2005).

Be that as it may, this delegate was a probably a tailor by trade, and his name was probably Cohen or Goldstein, or some Russified version thereof.

Comrade Stalin, I have a very small nuance which I would like to express”. Stalin, overjoyed that this simple worker was displaying the courage to speak his mind in the spirit of open proletarian debate, beckoned the tailor to ascend the podium so that he could use the modern electric microphones which had previously amplified Stalin’s opening speech.

The tailor put his wire-framed reading glasses over his ethnically characteristic nose and politely accepted the telegram from Stalin’s own hand.

"Yes, comrade Stalin, a small nuance. The telegram should read as follows:

You are the great leader of the world proletariat? You are the theoretician of the socialist revolution? You are the true heir of Lenin and of Bolshevism?"

Again the silence of utter dread.

4 October, 2006 - 07:39

I almost didn't post this when the bold function didn't work. It would have made the inflexions at the end clearer.

But it made me think about a well-known statement by Marx, often cited by those who like him but can't stomach some of his social democratic followers.

What if he really meant to say "I'm not a marxist?"

(And it didn't work again! Any advise, admins?)

4 October, 2006 - 09:27

Alf - I tried fixing it but got the same, hm..

4 October, 2006 - 09:36

I will die resentful that reading that post took up 5 mins of my life, and a further 1 minute of me venting this.

4 October, 2006 - 10:01
Quote:
and a further 1 minute of me venting this.

god you must type slowly wink

4 October, 2006 - 10:08

And of course, it's all based on a very old joke (which I first heard 30-odd years ago) about a jewish tailor's letter to his customers and his son's misunderstanding when preparing the notice, which instead of reading,

"My name is Fink
What do you think
I make suits for nothing!"

should really have read...

"My name is Fink.
What?!?!
Do you think think I make suits for nothing???"

Course, the original joke would have only taken a few lines of type.

4 October, 2006 - 10:17

that story was neat, but when i read the title of the thread, i was hoping to hear about a secret, tawdry love affair.

oh well sad

4 October, 2006 - 12:07

Coming soon: a thirty page adaptation of the "Why do cows wear a bell?" joke

4 October, 2006 - 12:59

Revol, you are obviously incorrigibly addicted to reading everything I write, and now you feel all dirty about it.

4 October, 2006 - 13:53
Feighnt wrote:
that story was neat, but when i read the title of the thread, i was hoping to hear about a secret, tawdry love affair.

oh well :(

I heard that stalin shagged trotsky's missus at some point.

4 October, 2006 - 14:00

I heard he used to sit in Central Committee meetings and read "French Letters" to express his distain.

4 October, 2006 - 16:05
Serge Forward wrote:
And of course, it's all based on a very old joke (which I first heard 30-odd years ago) about a jewish tailor's letter to his customers and his son's misunderstanding when preparing the notice, which instead of reading,

"My name is Fink
What do you think
I make suits for nothing!"

should really have read...

"My name is Fink.
What?!?!
Do you think think I make suits for nothing???"

Course, the original joke would have only taken a few lines of type.

simpsons did it simpsons did it.

The business card reads:

Free representation No money down.

Lionel Hutz: "Theres some missing punctuation there... One moment.... There; 'Free representation? No! Money Down!' Oh i should probably remove that Bar Association logo too..."

(i here also reference another cartoon, which one? 2 points for the taking)

4 October, 2006 - 16:26
Tacks wrote:
(i here also reference another cartoon, which one? 2 points for the taking)

South Park.

4 October, 2006 - 20:22

deux points.

for a bonus point, name the pictured villain's sidekick...

4 October, 2006 - 20:26

i heard a story once about trotsky. He was this really great guy who loved a laugh at at first found marxism really dull, then realised it was brilliant, became the best marxist ever, predicted the future, beat fascism at the head of the red army and was killed for being too utterly amazing at everything, like Jesus.

I think the story is still online on the workers power site.

My god i just remembered - my life plan is to open a plant hire centre called Workers Power.

4 October, 2006 - 21:13
Tacks wrote:
for a bonus point, name the pictured villain's sidekick...

General Disarray.

[/derail]

5 October, 2006 - 10:26

I heard this joke almost 40 years ago(groan)!!!!!!

5 October, 2006 - 11:43

Dear admins, thanks for the added nuances

For true pedants: "I'm not a marxist?" could also be "I'm not a marxist?"

Battlescarred, I only heard it about 30 years ago - does that mean you're even older than me?

5 October, 2006 - 12:32

Yep. Older and much wiser.

5 October, 2006 - 14:53
Nemo wrote:
Tacks wrote:
for a bonus point, name the pictured villain's sidekick...

General Disarray.

[/derail]

BOOOOOOOOOONUS POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOINT!

5 October, 2006 - 14:54
Battlescarred wrote:
I heard this joke almost 40 years ago(groan)!!!!!!

WHAT?! i thought you were about 25!

5 October, 2006 - 15:42
Tacks wrote:
Battlescarred wrote:
I heard this joke almost 40 years ago(groan)!!!!!!

WHAT?! i thought you were about 25!

pffft, that's taking sucking up a bit far!

5 October, 2006 - 16:48

Nothing will stand between me and the position of National Inspectorate!

6 October, 2006 - 12:58

Actually he said: "Je ne suis pas une marxiste"

So god only knows where the emphasis was in that god awful overly vowelly language.

6 October, 2006 - 13:17
revolutionrugger wrote:
So god only knows where the emphasis was in that god awful overly vowelly language.

You have no soul.

6 October, 2006 - 13:23

nobody does my friend, nobody does.

6 October, 2006 - 13:51

yes we do!

The soul is the prison of the body!

6 October, 2006 - 13:58
revol68 wrote:
yes we do!

oh i see you've come over all deleuzian and plural now have you? tongue

or is this a move into representative politics?

6 October, 2006 - 14:05

there is no escaping the politics of representation, there is no escaping representation at all. What matters is where we make our incision.

The particular always alludes to the universal.

6 October, 2006 - 14:09

meh, i'm excursing

6 October, 2006 - 14:11

In victory he danced to Dashboard Confessional.