Top ten... things you'd rather be doing at work than working
Dec 28 2005 01:39
Well our current top ten political lookalikes has been up for a while we thought this would make a good new one.
I've got like a million of these but thought I'd see what other stuff people people did or liked to do at work when they are supposed to be working.
I would expect to feature somewhere in the top ten:
- chatting
- pilfering
- using libcom
- having sex
(in that order of course 
And it naturally goes without saying that this partly excludes that fortunate minority of people in some sort of socially useful labour, like firefighters and nurses)
Dec 28 2005 10:44
#2
are you saying nurses shouldn't be allowed to pilfer from their patients?! you damn authowitawian 
Dec 28 2005 11:07
#3
Not really relevant but I have the day off today because of snow 
.
Dec 28 2005 12:16
#4
John. wrote:
And it naturally goes without saying that this partly excludes that fortunate minority of people in some sort of socially useful labour, like firefighters and nurses)
God bless, our heroic Public Sector Workers, who have no desire but to Serve the people, and would always rather be working.
Dec 28 2005 12:31
#5
Lazlo_Woodbine wrote:
God bless, our heroic Public Sector Workers, who have no desire but to Serve the people, and would always rather be working.
Don't be a nob you know what I meant - like gav said. Part of my jobs (in the public sector) are socially useful, so I won't do anything to fuck that up. But once that's done... 
edit - and you can talk, don't you work for a workers' co-op? I bet that stunts your shirking 
Dec 28 2005 13:02
#6
John. wrote:
don't you work for a workers' co-op? I bet that stunts your shirking
Like fuck I'm going to manage my own exploitation 
Dec 29 2005 14:37
#7
- Compete with the office next door to see who can make the biggest elastic band balls from office equipment.
- Whiteboard games (hangman etc)
Dec 29 2005 14:49
#8
From my last job (manufacturing):
- Long strolls around the factory floor (this was done every day for about ten years by one of the older hands I used to know, guy never did an ounce of work in all the time I knew him but was fit as a fiddle)
- Tea and fag break: As we were in an enclosed workshop and no-one could see in, we'd have about 10 a day, about ten minutes each...
- 'searching for parts' ie. another long stroll, this time round the warehouse (well, change of scene innit)
Practical jokes:
- Get your workmate's cup of tea for him. Put industrial superglue under cup and distract him while it dries.
- Replace tobacco in workmate's pouch with aluminium shavings
- Get supervisor to 'misplace' workmate's wage packet
- Persuade female workforce workmate has a thing for much older women
Dec 29 2005 15:13
#9
flirt with colleagues
flirt with customers
talk to colleagues (ones who aren't stupid)
read books
drink water (10 min stroll to staffroom, sit down for 5 mins 10 mins back)
look out the window
walk up and down
I only work part-time so I haven't managed to sort out a decent skiving regime
Dec 29 2005 21:02
#10
Jef Costello wrote:
look out the windowwalk up and down
Man you are one crazy muthafucka!
Jack wrote:
Wank in the toilet.
Yelling out "I'm getting paid for this!" at the end 8)
- print/photocopy pamphlets from www.prole.info
- posting your personal mail
- do that whole kids in the hall "I can crush your head" thing* on arsehole line managers
- plan future collective shirking activities
edit - there's loads of this kind of stuff in the library now:
http://libcom.org/library/workplace-activity
* (extend arm and finger and thumb in pinching motion, align fingers around bossy line manager's head - and crush )
Dec 29 2005 22:37
#11
It's hard to beat taking a great big shit on company time. Especially if the cludgy is also for customers and so has nice bog roll.
Dec 29 2005 23:09
#12
Lazlo_Woodbine wrote:
God bless, our heroic Public Sector Workers, who have no desire but to Serve the people, and would always rather be working.
I'm starting to think I'd have less to worry about if I lived in the hospital and never left it. My life is a 24 hour party (program).
Dec 30 2005 17:21
#13
John. wrote:
Jef Costello wrote:
look out the windowwalk up and down
Man you are one crazy muthafucka!
hell yes
John. wrote:
Jack wrote:
Wank in the toilet.Yelling out "I'm getting paid for this!" at the end 8)
That'd be a good idea but I try and steer clear of the work toilets because I'm afraid my colleagues do this. But with less sound politics of course
I was going to try having sex at my old workplace, but got caught on the way to the place after I'd sneaked my g/f past security so I didn't manage it.
New work doesn't have any good places really, except maybe in the archives.
Although there is a rumour going round that I'm getting it on a regular basis at work.
Although as far as I know it isn't true 
Jan 6 2006 21:41
#14
John. wrote:
* (extend arm and finger and thumb in pinching motion, align fingers around bossy line manager's head - and crush
you ever see the one where he has a show-down with the guy who pinches heads? good stuff
Jan 7 2006 12:57
#15
I had a really good shit at work once.
Aside from all the other stuff john mentioned in his first post
Jan 14 2006 02:22
#16
rkn wrote:
I had a really good shit at work once.Aside from all the other stuff john mentioned in his first post ;)
That's a bit anti social isn't it?
My work stinks because all the male students who are too cheap to buy toilet paper come and shit here. Little bastards
Just got a new job where I can go on libcom 8) and I don't need to doss because there's hardly anything to do.
Jan 14 2006 15:48
#17
My favourite time wasters are:
1. Endless trips to the other end of the station to make tea.
2. Going to buy crisps/choccie from the vending machines.
3. Crosswords.
4. Having a poo.
5. Checking out the thrilling celebrity news on Ananova: http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/lp.html?keywords=Celebrities&menu=entertainment.celebrities
6. Mocking stupid people. "What time does the 2 o'clock go at?"- "I think the clue is in the question there, Sir".
7. Doing tests on thespark.com: http://community.sparknotes.com/sparktests/
8. Posting random nonsense on Libcom.
Jan 14 2006 16:44
#18
What is it with shitting that you guys love so much?
Maybe I'm doing it wrong?
I'm quite regular, so maybe its because I'm so used to it being two or three unexciting minutes. I did know a guy who only shit twice a week and would be in there for two hours.
Jan 14 2006 17:02
#19
Quote:
What is it with shitting that you guys love so much?
I don't love the at-home poo as much as the at-work one, I think the main enjoyment comes from the fact that you're shitting on someone else's time. And not paying for the loo roll.
Jan 14 2006 17:07
#20
lucy_parsons wrote:
Quote:
What is it with shitting that you guys love so much?I don't love the at-home poo as much as the at-work one, I think the main enjoyment comes from the fact that you're shitting on someone else's time. And not paying for the loo roll.
I think I am so alienated from my species being that I can't even take pleasure in an innate human pleasure.
Or you lot are faecalphiliacs?
Jan 14 2006 17:11
#21
Jef Costello wrote:
I think I am so alienated from my species being that I can't even take pleasure in an innate human pleasure.Or you lot are faecalphiliacs?
Or German?
Jan 14 2006 17:12
#22
John. wrote:
Jef Costello wrote:
I think I am so alienated from my species being that I can't even take pleasure in an innate human pleasure.Or you lot are faecalphiliacs?
Or German?
you say potato...
Jan 14 2006 17:16
#23
What's wrong with being a coprophiliac? Embrace it!:
Jan 14 2006 17:39
#24
lucy_parsons wrote:
What's wrong with being a coprophiliac? Embrace it!:
Sorry I'm not convinced.
Jan 17 2006 18:04
#25
Finally, a job where I can go on libcom.
Jan 18 2006 09:40
#26
lucy_parsons wrote:
I don't love the at-home poo as much as the at-work one, I think the main enjoyment comes from the fact that you're shitting on someone else's time. And not paying for the loo roll.
Damn right. My journey to work takes an hour, so I'm usually fair busting for a dump by the time I get here, which makes it more pleasurable still. Especially since I stop off for a double espresso & a ciggie on the way. 8)
Jan 18 2006 12:25
#27
the button wrote:
a ciggie on the way. 8)
I thought you'd given up the eeeeevvvveeelllllll weed?
Everything that John says, applies, thing is i've downloaded an printed some real shit!
Apart from some of LR's recent quips, my funniest Libcom moment has been john's qoute of "Yelling out "I'm getting paid for this!" at the end ", it's making me laugh now!
Jan 18 2006 12:38
#28
Saii wrote:
Get your workmate's cup of tea for him. Put industrial superglue under cup and distract him while it dries.
Class, do this with a phone and then call them.
Jan 18 2006 12:41
#29
And after you've had a shit, there's always this website: -
Wank in the toilet.