Serial monogamy

Miaow! How's the view from the moral high ground? I might resent being called an alleycat simply because I have slept with a lot of people; just as I'd resent, if I were currently in a 'traditional' monogamous relationship, being informed I was putting all my human solidarity in one basket.

Otherwise, what madashell said.

Steggsie

Heh! The view from the moral high ground is just fine - better than being stuck in the lowlands heh!

Nah basically you and i both agree with madas on the "avoiding boxing people in" bit but i admit i was being a bit bitchy to ya cos i felt you were being bitchy and sarcastic to j. rogue who WAS referring to the practice of ethical polyamory and that was NOT the same as your throwaway comment about sleeping with a lot of people. J. Rogue is accurately, I think., stating that relationships take a lot of work and that in this work human solidarity can be built because trust, honesty etc would be being practiced. Just sleeping around doesn't really develop anything except maybe sore bits???

Love

LW X

I really don't think I can bring myself to care who people have sex with or why I'm afraid...

I should probably keep my mouth shut then.

No worries John - i don't have a view on a lot of the topics peeps get really excited about on these boards either... but it is good to have the choice.

I'm still a bit baffled by all this stuff about "human solidarity" to be honest. What the fuck does that have to do with who you do (or don't) sleep with?

yeah your mum told me I had nothing to worry about.

I can debaffle ya at some point - here or IRL but not atm as have stuff to do but if noone else steps in i will get back to ya at some point.

John: I suppose that vicarious thrills are for lesser men than you

LW: I don't know if I agree that people shouldn't try different relationships to be fashionable. I think its cute.

Lem

Hey its good to try stuff!!!!

But it is not cool to see someone struggling and out of their depth in a situ just to prove a point - like i said the Mark from Peep Show analogy. Nowt cool or fashionable there!

No, I was trying to explain how it could be viewed as destructive, idiot. Besides, some people can be as equally petty and vindictive when they're 14 as when they're 44.

what like expecting to take the only motorcar to the beach in the middle of a civil war?

muppet!

Not that I watch such geeky shows, but I honestly think that Mark from Peep Show is kinda cool. Like I say I haven't seen any of the new series tho.

now i don't know what this ^^ means, but at least 888 will always have the solidarity of comrades

what the fuck are you talking about? I never said that, and in any case how has that got anything to do with this? are you saying that it's impossible that there may be destruction of relations between people other than the two involved in a relationship when they break up? Consider the vast amount of hysterical squabbling that routinely goes on in divorce proceedings, fuckface.

no matter how terrible it is when a couple break up, it can't be as bad as when 3 or more break up! Therefore monogamy wins.

Solidarity with the suffering of the loser in a sexual competition. Sexual selection is a free market which can’t be allowed to continue unregulated, otherwise it’s just wanton exploitation of the cruellest and most vulgar kind.

Surely the only purpose of committing to a Monogamous relationship is not to lose the object of your desire, be that sexual in the most primitive or otherwise emotional sense? If that need to remain no longer exists, how can it be healthy to stay put?

I also wonder if it's at all relevant to look to the Animal world (though I hope that doesn't sound terribly sordid). Have we evolved into Monogamous creatures and where are the examples?

I don't mean to be a grammar-fascist but surely there should be a comma after the "why", otherwise that means something really rather different...

not sure if you mean the loser or the prize.

Daniel

Hey love that alternative meaning in Johns post - didn't pick up on that lol: If John wants to discuss why he fears matters sexual he only has to pm me.. heh!

Re: the animal kingdom - like the human kingdom variety abounds with different species and diff behaviour within species even - ie. monogamy, promiscuity, serial monogamy, homosexuality, polyamory, polygamy etc (without the marriage certificate in the latter case lol.. ) ....

Love

LW X

Lol, fair play. I do grasp rogue's distinction, but I don't see 'human solidarity' as a quantifable commodity which somehow disappates unless carefully apportioned among one's romantic partners. Hence my flippancy.

Anyway, you seem lovely. Watcha up to tomorrow night?

Apparently only 5% of mammals - including humans - form long lasting pair bonds, I read recently.

Heh! Well you would be welcome to join me - my whereabouts tomorrow night have already been discussed on here - i am attending the SolFed Film Night in New Cross - if you wanna come up from Portsmouth i am sure i could engage you in a challenging pub convo after the film - which features strong femmes and there will be other strong femmes in the pub - Jason's partner for one -she is pretty amazing... so a night of challenge and potential humiliation is there for the price of the train fare..

And also i was not talking about the careful apportioning of solidarity so much as its generation in the first place, and all the important life stuff is difficult to describe, let alone quantify and it never takes the form of a commodity. The exception to this is the production, purchase and consumption of vegan chocolate cake.

Glad you took my sore bits gag with good humour as it was meant to be taken.

And also i like alleycats anyways.

Love

LW X

And i am betting you are not in that 5 %

Which is hardly limited to monogamous relationships. Fuckwit.

Our closest relatives are the great apes. Personally, I don't intend on throwing faeces at my closest friends any time soon.

Polyamory is bullshit. I got roped into believing a couple friend of mine was all free and whatnot, then it caused nothing but problems. Serial monogamy is fine.

Hey Jeremy

Hey thanks for sharing...I found your story really interesting...

A twitcher is a name for peeps who enjoy bird-watching...and i THINK there might be a bird called a redwing tho i don't know but there is at least one twitcher on lc who perhaps could clarify..

Yeah what you and your ex were practicing was an open relationship as opposed to polyamory - i think your experience kinda illustrates the point i was making in that a lot of people struggle in practice to manage an arrangement that seem like a good idea in theory and may even be ok at first til doubts creep in and insecurities etc...i mean you are quite right that you should not have been made to feel cuckolded and your ex was off limits IMHO for seeking solace for you acting on what you had - presumably! - both agreed and what she had also been doing - or did you not agree it?? Assuming you did then this, as i said, illustrates why some peeps are just not cut out for less conventional arrangements - there is no shame in this - we are all different! I just think you have to keep communicating... (i don't mean to sound preachy ) cos sometimes both peeps might have changed their mind about the arrangement but don't like to say thinking the other person is happy..

The freelove loudmouths should have kept their traps shut.. Prolly all talk anyway...

Re: society censure - yeah not surprised you got this - hopefully you can see this mostly stemmed from other peeps insecurities?? I mean perhaps they should have looked to their own lovelives before criticising yours...

Yeah we are mostly young and childless here tho not exclusively...

Shame you were not around last year - i started a 12 page thread on Extended Sexuality - there were some really cool posts and povs but it got lost in the Great Libcom Hack of 06.

Soz to hear you are a widower - hope your children are well and doing fine etc etc.

Love

LW X

what relationship model someone uses is bound to be influenced by what their friends like. i'm not sure i know what you mean tho.

i regularly say on this threads that "I quite like jealousy", so I'll say it again!

This is sorta exactly why I'm reading this thread and not posting on it (until just now), at the end of a 16 year relationship with three kids a 'clean break' is pretty much impossible. Not sure if that was serial monogamous or just failed monogamous. There is a lot of grief and I do get what is meant by the 'destruction of human solidarity' but I'm unsure as to whether yer criticism applies equally to all 'serial' monogamous/monogamous relationships though - or are you just referring to the split up at the inevitable end?

ps I did immediately wonder why john was afraid...

As I said earlier, yes, people can be horribly petty, vindictive and childish when they're upset. But it's not exactly limited to monogamous relationships.