60 minutes is my life (poem from victim of drug-assisted sexual assault)

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Joined: 29-09-12
Oct 1 2012 09:35
60 minutes is my life (poem from victim of drug-assisted sexual assault)

60 minutes

60 minutes

60 minutes
Please come back
Why are you so afraid to show your face?
Cold floor - Twisted neck
The lifting of a floral petal dress
Was it 60 minutes?
Minutes needed to penetrate my core
Rip out my soul?

60 minutes
Did I tell you no?
Did I cry for help?
Fight  you off?
No physical scares to tell the story 
Time gone with no trace
Time now my horror 
Time now your victory
Your hands and minutes
from  a dreaded clock I cannot stop 
Can I turn you back, time not mine?
Can't take back - 60 minutes not mine

60 minutes - the sun rises 
My night stolen my morning broken
60 minutes - to drive home
Blood, aching, confusion, shame
60 minutes - to decide
This secret horror will be mine

60 minutes at my desk
Countless questions
Anxiety rising with each breath
Collapse, ambulance, more questions
60 minutes with a social worker
60 minutes with a detective
60 minutes awake in the ward
The lonely early hours
Heart monitored, wires, beeps
No sign of life
Can they not hear it does not beat?

60 minutes at forensics.
Naked in a robe. Identity lost.
Rape victim. Rape survivor. 
Robe is chains. 
Swabs and plastic bags.
Legs apart. My pain exposed.
Scrape out that demon inside.
Hairs, saliva, semen, body fluid
60 minutes of scouring the corpse
Vultures hovering above remains

60 minutes to tell him
Blame me. Blame other. Blame you.
60 minutes of tears. 60 each day thereafter.

60 minutes with police.
60 with victim support.
60 minutes with crisis line.
60 minutes sharing with a colleague.
Time ticking as I am judged.
Seconds evaporating as rumours spread.
Not believed. Mad. 

60 mins on the clock with a lawyer.
60 for free with the doctor.
The predators game.
Predator poised ready to spring.

60 of despair in a doctors room  
Held close, safe at last
60 on the phone
Ravished, taken. 
Prescribing his poison
Pills to mask whose pain?
To hide whose shame?

60 a day
With crushing structures 
Social, political, legal
David and Goliath 
Where are the people?
Where is the voice?
Who hears the muffled screams?
Raped of all power.

60 minutes in a job interview
Not ready but no money
Structures and systems
Capitalism forces my hand

60 minutes to lose my job
Room with no window or witness
Lies and betrayal
Told I won't recover, ever
Tears fall
To dissolution , oblivion 
60 minutes to learn to hate

60 minutes it felt like
7 hours of mediation
Suicide watch - watching 
Drugged again by my illness
Patchy memory, poor recollection 
Prostituting my soul to settlements and gagging orders
Now twice to that which controls me
Raped of my ability
Society nonchalant to my needs
The pillaging of what has been conquered

60 minutes with the truth
60 of trust in a truth teller
Voice heard, story told
Memory stolen
So much taken
Voice remains but fading
Will they hear? 
Are these the dying words?
Epilogue of trauma and social struggle 

60 with a therapist
Not more, not less
Caring so fluid 
Eyes that remain
Words so guarded
Engaged in mind
Tentative heart
Subtle powerful communication
Attuned but  repressed
60 minutes - stealing hours

60 minutes
Seconds putting distance
Between forgotten minutes
and the future ahead
Time heals
Will it?
But does it ever remember?
And then will it forget?
Will 60 minutes change anything except for me?