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'Extra-ordinary Anarchist Revolutionary Network that Everyone Should re-Tweet' founded!

 'Extra-ordinary Anarchist Revolutionary Network that Everyone Should re-Tweet' founded!

A serious piece of satire reflecting on the experience of political anarchist organizations.

Fellow comrades! In this statement, which was drafted at our floundering congress and ratified by quorum of three, we are pleased to announce the formation of a new radical collective: the Extra-ordinary Anarchist Revolutionary Network that Everyone Should re-Tweet (EARNEST for short).

What we stand for
Our participatory organization struggles for the complete abolition of the current relations of property, production and exchange (in their totality), and the horizontal diffusion of power amongst overlapping, networking federations of workplace and community syndicates — also known as assemblies or soviets or councils, depending on the particular programmatic stage of the class. We believe that through the use of plain English and Facebook, we can raise the consciousness of the proletariat and infuse our radicalism amongst the working class (waged, unwaged, or space-aged).

Our programme
Our 152 point programme can be found on our obscure blog (page 6.E). However, in the interests of accessibility, we summarize our core policies below:

- Class struggle is the struggle between classes — to ignore this fact is to ignore the facts
- Nothing can or will change as long as you leave out the word 'capitalism' from your press releases
- Although class struggle is primary to our politics, we will add on a number of different 'isms' to our statement on how class struggle is primary to our politics
- Revolutionary activity is that which increases the power of the class, preferably in person (although the struggle for minds online can and must be a feature of our struggle)
- We are not Marxists
- We are not anarchists
- We recognize the importance of autonomous struggle from below, as long as it mirrors point 36 of our programme
- Recallable position holders will be recalled on a rotational basis, if not recalled before the period laid down by the previous delegate. For information on this policy, try contacting the previous delegate
- Season eight of Buffy is NOT a legitimate season, and any references to it will result in expulsion
- Trade unionism is dead. Long live trade unionism!
- We operate by direct democratic consensus, when a majority of the quorum meet the required cut-off figure as per our 'How We Work' document (not to be confused with our 'What We Stand For' or 'How to Make Lentil Patties' documents)
- Our free sheet 'The Spark' will be produced once, distributed mainly to our friends, and ensure our ideas have a greater reach
- Our theoretical journal will never happen
- The content of class struggle, rather than its form, must inform the form of class struggle
- We recognise that unwaged work is a core feature of capital accumulation. By unwaged work, we mean those workers we mentioned at the bottom of page three of 'The Spark' (tick)
- Revolutionary fronts and alliances of any kind are counter-revolutionary. Just ask my mate Dave of the Socialist Workers Unity Party
- The 'Worker' as an embodied identity is hopelessly outdated and of a historic epoch now past. However, fellow workers, we must stand together as workers and fight just as they did in 1848!
- The environment, feminism, colonialism (there, we said it)

Become a member (or a peripheral hanger-on to our film screenings)
If you agree completely with our tactical and unity paper, or only vaguely agree, and wish to make real (rather than reformist) social change, then join us. Please. We are actually your normal group of weird-smelling, obscure-reading, computer-loving dietitians who, like you, recognize the importance of countering the Trotskyist position on the nature of the Russian state during 1917. Please join us. Only by tweeting together can we make a difference. We meet every second Wednesday of the full moon at the backroom of the Historic Trades Hall, 98 Hobson St. Home brew is welcome.

EARNEST, October 2014

Posted By

Jared
Oct 5 2014 07:49

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  • We believe that through the use of plain English and Facebook, we can raise the consciousness of the proletariat and infuse our radicalism amongst the working class (waged, unwaged, or space-aged).

    EARNEST

Attached files

Comments

Rob Ray
Oct 5 2014 10:29

This may be the most accurate summary of modern left-libertarian groups ever written.

syndicalist
Oct 7 2014 01:19

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

radicalgraffiti
Oct 7 2014 02:13

this was almost funny, well done

Juan Conatz
Oct 7 2014 02:31

Haha

Tyrion
Oct 7 2014 02:46

I'm happy to join any organization that disowns the abominable deformation that is Buffy Season 8.

Rats
Oct 7 2014 13:04

Uh hi I'm not interested in 'politics' I just want a copy of that Lentil patty Zine yo.

Thx

boomerang
Oct 7 2014 18:51

Does anyone else get depressed when they read this? It's clearly exaggerated, but still, it reminds me how ill-prepared we are to handle the shit-storm that is coming or the winds of shit that are currently blowing. sad

borzoj
Oct 9 2014 10:32

internal SolFed documents, especially important ones such as a draft of the new constitution, should nod be discussed on public forum

the button
Oct 9 2014 13:27
borzoj wrote:
internal SolFed documents, especially important ones such as a draft of the new constitution, should nod be discussed on public forum

It's not that dissimilar to the draft AFed constitution. Perhaps they should merge.

plasmatelly
Oct 9 2014 21:43

Just for the record - and heaven help us if anyone needs this pointing out - the piece is a parody of leftish anarchist cliques (or something like that) and not SolFed or AFed. And they aren't merging. Yet.

the button
Oct 10 2014 08:12
plasmatelly wrote:
And they aren't merging.

cry

plasmatelly
Oct 10 2014 08:23

Yet...

the button
Oct 10 2014 08:24
plasmatelly wrote:
Yet...

cool

plasmatelly
Oct 10 2014 08:39

For some reason my computer can't do emoticons - but if you could imagine one that captured "and about time too" with "why isn't this happening now already with so many members in both camps", complete with a funny hat.

Serge Forward
Oct 10 2014 10:11
the button wrote:
plasmatelly wrote:
And they aren't merging.

cry

Thank fuck. Having to mingle with one bunch of anarcho-weirdos is bad enough. Mathematically speaking, merger would only mean twice the weirdos angry

plasmatelly
Oct 10 2014 10:18

Twice the weirdos is ok by me. Even more weirdos is better.

the button
Oct 10 2014 11:21
plasmatelly wrote:
Twice the weirdos is ok by me. Even more weirdos is better.

One weirdos, two weirdos, many weirdos.

Serge Forward
Oct 10 2014 11:25

I bet our weirdos are weirder than your weirdos.

the button
Oct 10 2014 11:42

One of the strengths of a specific organisation.

Serge Forward
Oct 10 2014 11:45

Correct.

Battlescarred
Oct 10 2014 16:14

Exactly.

Battlescarred
Oct 10 2014 16:26
plasmatelly wrote:
For some reason my computer can't do emoticons - but if you could imagine one that captured "and about time too" with "why isn't this happening now already with so many members in both camps", complete with a funny hat.

Is this really true.? I know of very few with joint membership.

plasmatelly
Oct 10 2014 16:27

I'm not sure if there is that much difference in the weirdos anymore to reasonably justify being specific groups for specific weirdos. I'm pretty certain that keeping the weirdos divided is very much a minority opinion..

the button
Oct 10 2014 17:58

A *weird* opinion, if you will.