Five simple reasons to abolish capitalism

Five simple reasons to abolish capitalism

This is not going to be theoretical. There’ll be no discussion of the alienation of labor or the theory of surplus value. I won’t even be focusing on the big reasons like not having a boss or the three hour workday. Instead, I’m just going to list five day-to-day changes that that I’m pretty damn sure will happen once the flood of communism comes to atone for the sins of capital.

(1) One size Tupperware lids. Being the cheap bastard that I am, every time I get takeaway I keep the plastic container. The only problem is that although they look like the same size, either the corners or just a bit too rounded or the sides are just a bit too long. Then, any time I want to take my lunch with me to work, I have to dig around my cupboard for 20 minutes trying to find a lid to fit the container. Fuck that. I have no doubt that under communism—without plastic companies competing to ensure that they’ll be no mixing and matching of lids and containers—we’ll have standardized that shit!

(2) All music, films, theatre, concert and museums will be free.

(3) Artistic talent used for art and not fucking advertising. NOTHING pisses me off more than to see the efforts of obviously very talented people being wasted to shill corporate shit. Artists should create art not commodities.

(4)No more telemarketing calls. ‘Nuff said.

(5)No more cheap quality appliances. I used to sell appliances. Besides outright planned obsolescence, there was a spectrum of products made available to the “consumer market”. It ranged from cheap shit for poor people (and, of course, for landlords to install in their apartments) to much better quality products for the wealthy. In the absence of a competitive economy, the goal will be to create products that last as long as possible and thus limit the total amount of social labor to fill society’s need and wants.

This list is just a start. Add your own!

Posted By

Chilli Sauce
May 25 2012 18:41

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  • I have no doubt that under communism—without plastic companies competing to ensure that they’ll be no mixing and matching of lids and containers—we’ll have standardized that shit!

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Comments

Neon_Black
May 26 2012 13:45

1. No more paper wasted on money/newspapers.
2. No more cloth/plastic wasted on flags.
3. Won't have to renew passport.
4. Won't have to worry whenever I lose something (this happens a lot).
5. Can get a decent pair of shoes that will last ages, rather than constantly buying cheap crappy ones.

Joseph Kay
May 26 2012 13:47

The spam industry will cease to exist. Internet spam rather than tinned. Though maybe that too.

damcqueen@yahoo.com
May 26 2012 13:54

No more little plastic stickers on apples.

Standfield
May 26 2012 14:51
damcqueen@yahoo.com wrote:
No more little plastic stickers on apples.

laugh out loud That actually does annoy me.

No more fucking middle-men, especially estate agents.

Fucktheborder
May 26 2012 15:07

No more dole queues, no more knock knock sales reps, no more debt, no more tax, no more rent. Fuck it, we need a revolution!

Fucktheborder
May 26 2012 15:09

oh yeah and no more annoying leaflets from the same kebab shop

Fleur
May 26 2012 15:23

Can't agree more on the shoe thing. Footwear that actually withstands a bit of walking.
People who come to my door to peddle religion, and then won't leave when I politely ask them to, forcing me to be rude and abusive to strangers in my own space. Feel especially annoyed at the ones who bring their children with them, ruining the kid's weekend/evening.
No more celebrity prattle being passed off as news.
No more shipping of useless stuff half-way across the world when we can make the things we need locally.
No more cash crops. We can grow our flowers at home and chocolate is an over-rated substance anyway.
People will realise that the sort of anti-social behaviour associated with blasting out crap music, to whit Michael Buble and Celine Dion, 24/7 in their back yard as soon as the weather is half-way decent, is not acceptable. Actually, my neighbours will find a community more suited to their needs to live in, along with all the other people who like Michael Buble and Celine Dion and I hope that they will be very happy there.
No more constant worrying about incoming bills.

wojtek
Apr 9 2013 18:52

No more sponsored football shirts/ stadiums

I mean the Eitihad stadium in ruddy Manchester?! The D(ave) W(helan)?! The meglamaniac! The last straw for me was when Barcelona went behind my back and signed with 'Qatar Foundation'. Aestheticially it's horrific, I mean just check out this sexy retro man, sorry er shirt by comparison! wink

No more artificial, corporate, top-down fans clobber

The banality of it never fails to make my eyes bleed.

A thriving Ultra scene back in the UK baby! (hopefully...)


Quote:
People will realise that the sort of anti-social behaviour associated with blasting out crap music, to whit Michael Buble and Celine Dion, 24/7 in their back yard as soon as the weather is half-way decent, is not acceptable. Actually, my neighbours will find a community more suited to their needs to live in, along with all the other people who like Michael Buble and Celine Dion and I hope that they will be very happy there.

Or haters will 'volunteer' for the salt mines! wink

jef costello
May 26 2012 16:26

Never having to stand there and have a landlord or boss lie to your face and make you eat shit and being forcd to do it because although legally and morally you are right they have your livelihood and home in their hands.

Rob Ray
May 26 2012 16:56

- Being able to get something to someone far away without having to mortgage your worldy possessions
- Being able to reproduce a photo without having to take out a second mortgage on your worldly posessions
- Being able to use the tools of the creative arts without having to take out a mortgage on everyone else's worldly possessions.

blackout
May 26 2012 17:19

Being able to get public transport without it costing an obscene amount.

Not having to make decisions like "shall I buy lunch this week or shall I fix my bicycle brakes." or thinking "I really hope that weird noise doesn't mean I have to get my car repaired."

££ = sad

EastTexasRed
May 26 2012 17:45

No more Trots!

syndicalist
May 26 2012 17:58

RETIREMENT from having to do too much movement shitwork!

RETIREMENT from having to debate the same questions over and over and over again!

RETIREMENT from having to listen to endless arguments by European anarchists and syndicalists.

RETIREMENT from having to deal with rigid politics and know it alls!

LOTS of canoe camping trips!

Lori L.
May 27 2012 23:11

Redevelopment of a portion of America's vast suburban wasteland on a human scale, and re-wilding of the other 90%.

Ramona
May 28 2012 00:01

Those plastic security seals on milk bottles. Can we do something about those? Or at least standardise them so you only have to perfect one technique?

Standfield
May 28 2012 00:22

Having the freedom to decorate our our towns with murals, paint OUR houses and OUR streets whatever colours we want. No more unfinished tags - graffers can take their time. Milton Keynes will look like a fucking rainbow.

Harrison
May 28 2012 03:42

A new generation of Jeremy Kyle / Jerry Springer type shows, featuring former rich celebrities and their former employees. Kyle's role is rotated per episode around the 2003-2006 userbase of libcom.org

(First episode would feature Hugh Grant getting the shit kicked out of him by former prostitutes)

There would be a spin off 24/7 live channel where the ICC take it in shifts to run a panel that bores the fuck out of sleep-deprived pro-capitalist intellectuals, until they cave in to communism. The studio would look as bland and early 1980s as possible

NotVerySpecial
May 28 2012 14:09

Chilli Sauce, that is fucking hillarious! Can I make those 5 reasons into a leaflet for the next demo? Good to have a bit of humour to our politics.

knotwho
May 28 2012 18:20

Less coffee, more sleep.

Chilli Sauce
May 28 2012 19:25

Thanks for the compliments everyone. The response to this blog has been really great and, yeah, fucking 'ell more sleep and no more fruit labels. (As an aside, I used to work as a cashier and those numbers would run through my head as I was falling to sleep. I thought about submitting to Recomposition Blog as part of their series about how work even invades sleep.)

Anyway, I'm not sure my writing warrants a pamphlet, but please feel free to use any and all of it for any purposes in keeping with my politics.

801
May 29 2012 10:18

Due to the fact that pointless/not fun things wouldn’t need to be produced, like brand image and energy drinks, everyone would have the day off the minimal hours we had to spend on things that people didn’t like doing so much when the weather was hot and sunny. The rotated work groups that had to be in an office/cleaning inside for some reason would be suspended until bad weather returns. Everyone could sit in the park having barbeques with their friends.

There would be many more outdoor pools constructed as the lack of a need for profit would not make them unviable during the winter.

There would be roof terraces for all who wanted them constructed over a week with friends and neighbours. There would be a planning committee to make sure you didn’t plunge your neighbour’s house into darkness but they would be informally convened amongst those living near the proposed structure, they would also be awesome.

There would be street parties, but not to celebrate hereditary privilege, they would celebrate the weather getting better and things like that.

Lastly there would be no chlorine in all the outdoor pools already mentioned as that shit burns your eyes, children who shit in the pool get sent to re-education camps, adults who shit in the pool get sent to the salt mines already constructed by another poster.

Indigo
May 29 2012 10:38

contraception for everyone

Ramona
May 29 2012 14:04

Good call. Not having to pay £25 for the morning after pill. Being able to get the morning after pill on a Sunday, cos chemists (or whatever we have instead) won't be closed due to God.

Steven.
May 29 2012 15:37

I'm looking forward to queueing for everything

Between Your Teeth
May 29 2012 16:52

being able to get a t-shirt, say in size L, that doesn't veer from so small it decapitates you as you try it on, to being so large the occupy movement pitches it in a graveyard (or whatever wacky thing they're still coming up with)

this for me is communism

Railyon
May 29 2012 21:57

no more reality tv, no more ads, no more 4 different gaming consoles a gen all with console-specific disk lockout and all that jazz...

Chilli Sauce
May 31 2012 03:19

No more region-coded DVDs!

redsdisease
May 31 2012 04:06

Capitalism seems to do a really lackluster salt mine.

Ethos
May 31 2012 04:16

-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

-Never again will an undergraduate take a "First Year Experience" course or any other course completely irrelevant to what the student wants to learn.

flaneur
May 31 2012 12:15

All trousers are drainpipes as default.
Smokes that come in packs bigger than 20 and last forever.
No more learning lanaguages/things, just memory downloads ala The Matrix.
Giant Cadbury's Creme Eggs with all the goo inside.
No more bland architecture, designs and cars Steve McQueen wouldn't be seen dead in.