Funniest thing you read today

1121 posts / 0 new
Last post
Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Oct 10 2014 22:56

Gepetto's picture
Gepetto
Offline
Joined: 28-10-12
Oct 10 2014 23:11

But what if prole owns a cat? Labour aristocracy?

Fleur
Offline
Joined: 21-02-12
Oct 16 2014 17:52

I have found the craigslist ad to beat all craigslist ads - the invitation to spend the oncoming apocalypse in a hole in a ground in Vermont. A man in Boston needs a fertile woman to share this opportunity with him.

https://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/m4w/4716807484.html

I thought I'd copy-paste the text, just incase the stampede of women wishing to take him up on this offer means that he takes his ad down soon.

Quote:
Ebola is about to break loose in America. It's already in Dallas and Atlanta. Boston will be its next stop I am sure and soon airplanes, taxis, and the T will not be safe. Don't wait for it to be too late. I have been prepping for about 10 years in the Vermont mountains and have a hidden sustainable bug out shelter well off the grid and completely self sufficient. I only fear that by going there now, alone, I will emerge in 10-15 years to find humanity has succumbed to this modern day plague and I will have no way to keep the species going.

I plan to wait no longer than 2 weeks to head out. I have enclosed some pictures of my shelter so you can see this is for real and it is not going to be completely rustic. If you already have children and wish to bring them then I think that is a good idea, and if not that is fine too. I request that you are fertile and able to bear at least three children with me should we find ourselves in a situation where a decade or more passes before it is safe to emerge. If you have small arms experience or hunting experience that is a big plus.

I have already transferred my life savings into gold and I recommend you do the same even if you choose not to respond or try to survive with me. It is almost certain that even if humanity doesn't crumble that at the very least our monetary system and possibly our government will.

This could be the best decision you ever make in your life. Choose adventure and take control of your destiny instead of waiting and hoping that the government will fix this for you. I await your message.

boomerang
Offline
Joined: 20-01-14
Oct 17 2014 01:32

That Craigslist ad made my day. It's been removed, but I saved the image locations before it was, and somehow those are still available. So here's a look at the bunker and the armored van that goes with it:



Fleur
Offline
Joined: 21-02-12
Oct 17 2014 02:04

I know, it's irresistible, isn't it? Form an orderly line, ladies. It's not every day you hear about an offer like this.

proletarian.
Offline
Joined: 15-08-11
Oct 17 2014 04:14

Meh delete.

boomerang
Offline
Joined: 20-01-14
Oct 18 2014 19:52
Entdinglichung wrote:

I love both cats AND dogs.

But when I read this, I couldn't help but think about how fitting it is for a Stalinist to prefer "faithful" and "hard working" dogs (i.e. obedient little proles) vs. independent anarchist-like cats. (Based on exaggerated caricatures of their species, but still.)

Then today when I saw this on Reddit I remember what our Stalinist friend Žižek wrote and couldn't help myself:

Gepetto's picture
Gepetto
Offline
Joined: 28-10-12
Oct 18 2014 20:30

Cats are anarchists and fascists simultaneously.

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Oct 23 2014 09:12

http://spartacist.org/english/wv/1054/hongkong.html

Quote:
Imperialist-backed “democracy” activists seeking to end Chinese Communist Party (CCP) control over the capitalist enclave of Hong Kong continue to block streets in parts of the city, as they have since late September. Using the demand for universal suffrage as a wedge, the protesters, known as the Umbrella Movement, are attempting to open the way for Hong Kong’s capitalist parties to exercise direct political power. It is in the interest of working people around the world to oppose these protests. Political power in the hands of the bourgeoisie in Hong Kong would be a spearhead for smashing the Chinese bureaucratically deformed workers state and opening the mainland to untrammeled capitalist exploitation.
Devrim's picture
Devrim
Offline
Joined: 15-07-06
Oct 24 2014 05:53

This was from a few years ago. Somebody mentioned it in the pub yesterday. I managed to find a short report about it in English:

Quote:
ANKARA (02-10) – A 52-year-old Turkish man was shot in the leg by his own son over his intentions to have a penis transplant from a donkey.
On two previous occasions Mehmet Esirgen, 52, purchased two donkeys, amputated their sexual organs and appealed in vain to medical doctors to perform a penis transplant in order to cure his sexual impotence.
His family, opposed to Esirgens intentions, became hysterical when he purchased a third donkey on his way home from Ankara and one of his sons shot him in the leg.
For a long time now I have had sexual problems and I have spent all my pension funds to overcome them, said Esirgen. He plans to buy a fourth donkey as soon as he recovers from his leg wound.

Devrim

jonthom's picture
jonthom
Offline
Joined: 25-11-10
Oct 24 2014 08:24

I think you have to live or have lived here to appreciate the exact degree of surrealness in the phrase "pro-PKK protest at York Minster".

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Oct 25 2014 22:01

http://www.worldsocialism.org/spgb/socialist-standard/1990s/1996/no-1104-august-1996/dogs-cats-wage-slaves

Mr. Jolly's picture
Mr. Jolly
Offline
Joined: 28-04-11
Oct 26 2014 08:00
jonthom wrote:

I think you have to live or have lived here to appreciate the exact degree of surrealness in the phrase "pro-PKK protest at York Minster".

Why?

plasmatelly's picture
plasmatelly
Offline
Joined: 16-05-11
Oct 26 2014 11:54

Can this thread be re-titled The Least Funny Thing You Read Today?

Tarquin
Offline
Joined: 14-07-14
Oct 26 2014 13:05
Quote:
Mr. Jolly wrote:
Quote:
jonthom wrote:

I think you have to live or have lived here to appreciate the exact degree of surrealness in the phrase "pro-PKK protest at York Minster".

Why?

Was wondering too. I lived in York for 4 years and don't find this surreal. Am I missing something?

Mr. Jolly's picture
Mr. Jolly
Offline
Joined: 28-04-11
Oct 26 2014 16:18

Ahh is it the PKK protects bit? Didn't see that....

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Oct 31 2014 14:53

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Nov 6 2014 09:27

Alan Woods & Co. have made an amazing discovery:

Quote:
We have discussed the new situation and how best to utilize our energies in the next period in order to further the cause of socialism. We believe the Labour Party has been largely discredited in the eyes of most youth and workers. As Marxists, we are not going to stand on the sidelines in the present political realignment in Scotland.

but in England, Labour isn't yet discredited wink

http://www.socialist.net/scotland-needs-a-revolution.htm

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Nov 9 2014 22:02

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/11/05/nyc-pastor-starbucks-is-flavoured-with-the-semen-of-sodomites/

Quote:
A New York pastor has warned that Starbucks coffees are flavoured with the “semen of sodomites”.
Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
Offline
Joined: 18-12-12
Nov 10 2014 04:54
Entdinglichung wrote:
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/11/05/nyc-pastor-starbucks-is-flavoured-with-the-semen-of-sodomites/
Quote:
A New York pastor has warned that Starbucks coffees are flavoured with the “semen of sodomites”.

Hmmm, I knew there was something familiar about the taste of a good Starbucks.

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Nov 13 2014 09:31

jef costello's picture
jef costello
Offline
Joined: 9-02-06
Nov 13 2014 21:29
Entdinglichung wrote:
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2014/11/05/nyc-pastor-starbucks-is-flavoured-with-the-semen-of-sodomites/
Quote:
A New York pastor has warned that Starbucks coffees are flavoured with the “semen of sodomites”.

Another new gimmick to add 30 cents to the price of a coffee smile

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Nov 20 2014 16:12

http://www.rabble.ie/2014/11/20/ireland-facing-isis-situation-over-water-charge-protests/

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Dec 10 2014 22:23

http://www.bolshevik.org/statements/ibt_20141208_sl_ig_scotland.html

Quote:
Over the years, the Spartacist tendency has published a series of rather peculiar statements on Scotland, most of which are attributable to the fondness of James Robertson, the group’s founder/leader, for all things Scottish. (Robertson fancies himself a descendant of Robert the Bruce, the 14th century Scottish king.) The Autumn 2006 edition of Workers Hammer reprised some of these strange positions:

“the Scottish proletariat [has …] historically openly identified with the Soviet Union and Communism. During the 1980s Cold War we appealed to such sentiments by raising evocative slogans such as ‘Turn Holy Loch into a Soviet U-boat pen!’ and ‘For a Scottish workers republic as part of the USSR!’ &hellipl ”

A decade earlier, Robertson’s Canadian acolytes published a piece by Oliver Stephens that included a paean to Scottish nationalism ranking among the most cringe-worthy passages ever produced by these political degenerates:

“So the concept of a nation, as we know it in the latter 20th century, is historically a recent development. This of course has not prevented various nationalists from inventing a glorious ‘history’ for their own particular nation. Most of this is nonsense, but the Scots may be an exception to the rule. In 1320 the Scottish lords petitioned the Pope – in writing, quite a novelty at the time! – for succor against the predations of the English king. In their ‘Declaration of Arbroath’ they noted that:

“‘ … we find that among other famous nations our own, the Scots, has been graced with widespread renown. They journeyed from Greater Scythia by way of the Tyrrhenian Sea and the Pillars of Hercules, and dwelt for a long course of time in Spain among the most savage tribes, but nowhere could they be subdued by any race, however barbarous. Thence they came, twelve hundred years after the people of Israel crossed the Red Sea, to their home in the west where they still live today.… In their kingdom there have reigned one hundred and thirteen kings of their own royal stock, the line unbroken by a single foreigner.’”

—Spartacist Canada, March 1996

boomerang
Offline
Joined: 20-01-14
Dec 19 2014 02:01

This is a true thing that happened during the riots & general strike in Paris, May 1968:

''The scene was an echo of Paris's long tradition of insurrectionary barricades. The Belgian Trotskyist Ernest Mandel is said to have climbed on to a barricade and declared "How beautiful! It's the Revolution!" He was watching his own car burn.''

(Source: Revolutionary Rehearsals)

sihhi
Offline
Joined: 11-03-06
Dec 21 2014 22:49

I took a long pause from internet and seeing this on twitter from today has made me laugh: "Masterchef UK has to be the least intersectional show ever. Always white men competing and winning. Like, literally always."

Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Jan 14 2015 10:48

http://m.timesofindia.com/india/I-am-a-Marxist-Dalai-Lama-says/articleshow/45870660.cms

Quote:
"As far as social-economic theory is concerned, I am still a Marxist," the spiritual leader said adding that he admires Marxism because of its focus on reducing gap between the rich and the poor.
Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
Offline
Joined: 2-07-08
Jan 21 2015 22:24

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jan/21/germany-pegida-adolf-hitler-lutz-bachmann

Quote:
Germany’s Pegida leader steps down over Adolf Hitler photo
Future of anti-Islamisation movement thrown into doubt by resignation of Lutz Bachmann after Facebook photo goes viral

The head of the German anti-Islamisation movement Pegida has stepped down after a picture of him posing as Adolf Hitler went viral. Lutz Bachmann, 41, a butcher’s son from Dresden and co-founder of the organisation, was seen as Pegida’s figurehead and his resignation throws the future of the group into doubt.

The picture of Bachmann posing as Hitler after a session at his hairdresser, complete with a Hitler hairstyle dyed black and parted on the right and a toothbrush moustache, went viral on Wednesday after it was published by , a local newspaper, the Dresden Morgenpost.

ocelot's picture
ocelot
Offline
Joined: 15-11-09
Jan 22 2015 17:18

Lulz Bachmann...

Quote:
The image, which had appeared on Bachmann’s Facebook page, was accompanied by the line: “He’s Back,” after Timur Vermes’ best-selling 2012 satirical novel of the same name about Hitler.
.
Bachmann, a publicity agent[...]

The man has serious PR skills.

Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
Offline
Joined: 14-01-04
Jan 22 2015 18:55

Talking of Hitler lookalikees, there's these posh new houses down the road from me which, if you look directly at them from one side, look a lot like Hitler.