E06.4: ''How Do I Talk With A Partner About My Sexual Assault?''

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Submitted by Qwoke on June 30, 2019


Question 4 on Episode 6 of Anarcho Agony Aunts

''Thank you both for doing what you do with the channel! I'm a CIS-HET guy who was sexually assaulted about 8 years ago. I recently mustered up the courage to get back into the dating game, but I've been suffering hardcore from intimacy issues since the assault. Basically, although I desire sex and intimacy, once I'm with another person I end up having negative feelings, difficulty feeling in the mood, and ultimately avoiding sex. To make matters worse, I couldn't really talk about why I felt this way with my partner.
This has already cost me one relationship already - I know that it's not a healthy mindset to be in, and that leaving it unaddressed with future partners is only going to make things worse. However, I don't know how to have this talk with any sexual partner. I feel that that conversation is a whole lot of negativity for one person to process, and considering that I live in a regressive rural area where the dominant view is that men can't be victims of sexual assault; I feel like I have no support from my community and I'm too afraid to turn to my friends for advice.
Ultimately my question(s) are: How do I talk about my assault and intimacy struggles with a partner; and should I apologize to my ex, since my lack of intimacy and inability to discuss why sank that relationship (which led to a lot of anxiety on her part).
Apologies for the heavy topic, and keep up the great work you and Rowan do with AAA! ''

The show was recorded with a live audience on 31/5/2019 as part of Anarchist Festival 2019 in London, UK

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Anarcho Agony Aunts is a sex and dating advice show, covered from a feminist, antifascist, anarchist perspective.

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