Silicon Valley Girl

by jeffrey lener

We've rilly interfaced long enough, you know, and the liveware will be home before midnight, so let's get started, okay?
You like my architecture, don't you? I know you've probably heard some real grody stuff about me down at the user group, but it's rilly not true. I mean, I am kind of user-friendly, but I'm not a multi user or time-sharing system like some of those girls down on the beach. I'm just into good healthy integration between compatible systems—and you look like a real prototype. Not like some guys I've met. It's like, they're all either hackers or tweeks or frobnicating fools.
I got myself fixed up with a naive user last week, a real soft error. My fault for trying to pick someone up through a bulletin board. And then there was this whiz kid I met last month at the Winter Comdex. He keeps feeding me this cybercud all night, and then this bit twiddler lasts about a nanosecond, you know? I mean, with most guys it's just GIGO, totally mung. But you look like you rilly know protocol. See anything you like on the menu? Ooh, I like a hands-on kind of guy. Mmm, how'd you know I had a touch-sensitive screen? You've rilly got a nice diagnostic routine. Yes, I have been told I've got great components... Now let's get access to that joystick. Oooh. Just a microsecond and I'll make that floppy disk stand up and run some programs. I'm gonna make like Pac Man with this tool .
.. Mmm ... nibble ... gulp ... your software's turning into hardware... oops, sorry, like, did I byte? ... Mmm ... wow, you've rilly got a moby dick! What's that, you want to get interactive? I usually like to be asynchronous, but I'm game ... Oh, yes, I do like this configuration with you. You rilly know what to do with my control key. Yes, lick my honeywell. Like, I can't wait anymore. I want you in my disk drive. Now. Wait, I have to put in my removable disk? What would Dr. Ruth say if I didn't? Like, wow, fatal error, you know. Now the automatic self-test, and my wetware is ready. Come on, lover, fillI my expansion slot.
Ohhh, wow, we're rilly on-line. Yes, wraparound ... ooh, c'mon, upload, download, upload, download—wow, what a power surge! RAM it in me! ...
Hey, wait, not yet, use your surge suppressor ... That's right, oh yes, upload, download, upload, download, come on, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, c'mon shoot that ink jet printer in me, oh yes, COM, COM, COM, OEMVARMSDOS CPUCPDOSASCIICPM!!!
Wow, that was awesome. You rilly zapped my screen. Like, I saw graphics, you know. I mean, like, I'm still toggling. That was totally elegant. Fer sher.

Jeffrey Lener