A serious piece of satire reflecting on the experience of political anarchist organizations.
Fellow comrades! In this statement, which was drafted at our floundering congress and ratified by quorum of three, we are pleased to announce the formation of a new radical collective: the Extra-ordinary Anarchist Revolutionary Network that Everyone Should re-Tweet (EARNEST for short).
What we stand for
Our participatory organization struggles for the complete abolition of the current relations of property, production and exchange (in their totality), and the horizontal diffusion of power amongst overlapping, networking federations of workplace and community syndicates — also known as assemblies or soviets or councils, depending on the particular programmatic stage of the class. We believe that through the use of plain English and Facebook, we can raise the consciousness of the proletariat and infuse our radicalism amongst the working class (waged, unwaged, or space-aged).
Our 152 point programme can be found on our obscure blog (page 6.E). However, in the interests of accessibility, we summarize our core policies below:
- Class struggle is the struggle between classes — to ignore this fact is to ignore the facts
- Nothing can or will change as long as you leave out the word 'capitalism' from your press releases
- Although class struggle is primary to our politics, we will add on a number of different 'isms' to our statement on how class struggle is primary to our politics
- Revolutionary activity is that which increases the power of the class, preferably in person (although the struggle for minds online can and must be a feature of our struggle)
- We are not Marxists
- We are not anarchists
- We recognize the importance of autonomous struggle from below, as long as it mirrors point 36 of our programme
- Recallable position holders will be recalled on a rotational basis, if not recalled before the period laid down by the previous delegate. For information on this policy, try contacting the previous delegate
- Season eight of Buffy is NOT a legitimate season, and any references to it will result in expulsion
- Trade unionism is dead. Long live trade unionism!
- We operate by direct democratic consensus, when a majority of the quorum meet the required cut-off figure as per our 'How We Work' document (not to be confused with our 'What We Stand For' or 'How to Make Lentil Patties' documents)
- Our free sheet 'The Spark' will be produced once, distributed mainly to our friends, and ensure our ideas have a greater reach
- Our theoretical journal will never happen
- The content of class struggle, rather than its form, must inform the form of class struggle
- We recognise that unwaged work is a core feature of capital accumulation. By unwaged work, we mean those workers we mentioned at the bottom of page three of 'The Spark' (tick)
- Revolutionary fronts and alliances of any kind are counter-revolutionary. Just ask my mate Dave of the Socialist Workers Unity Party
- The 'Worker' as an embodied identity is hopelessly outdated and of a historic epoch now past. However, fellow workers, we must stand together as workers and fight just as they did in 1848!
- The environment, feminism, colonialism (there, we said it)
Become a member (or a peripheral hanger-on to our film screenings)
If you agree completely with our tactical and unity paper, or only vaguely agree, and wish to make real (rather than reformist) social change, then join us. Please. We are actually your normal group of weird-smelling, obscure-reading, computer-loving dietitians who, like you, recognize the importance of countering the Trotskyist position on the nature of the Russian state during 1917. Please join us. Only by tweeting together can we make a difference. We meet every second Wednesday of the full moon at the backroom of the Historic Trades Hall, 98 Hobson St. Home brew is welcome.
EARNEST, October 2014