It's happening!
I know he's had his run ins with people here, especially recently. And I've had a few of my own. But when it comes down to it, we're all comrades. We all carry in our hearts a deep longing for that beautiful world which we call anarchism or communism or some even call socialism, but is so much more than that. This is a rare and special thing, nowadays. When I focus on this, whatever differences I've had with people here or animosity that I may have felt, it fades away into something very small, and what I feel instead is love and gratitude and appreciation and connection.
He arrived at the hospital yesterday and the day before that he was at an Anarchist Federation event, which he went to even though he wasn't feeling well. There was a screening of Living Utopia, and he wanted to be inspired by the film and by the company of comrades.
Survival rates are high for liver transplants but you never know. Wish him well.
Speedy and successful
Speedy and successful recovery, comrade
I truly wish him a quick
I truly wish him a quick recovery and a rapid return to health. Please pass that on to him.
I hope it goes well and he
I hope it goes well and he recovers quickly
Wishing you all the best Noah
Wishing you all the best Noah
Wishing Noah all of the best
Wishing Noah all of the best and a quick return to good health. Please pass on my best wishes to him.
I wish Noah all the best, and
I wish Noah all the best, and hope to see him back on here soon.
That's great news that a
That's great news that a liver has come through. Please pass on to Noah all my best wishes, thinking of him and hope to see him back on here soon.
I was planning on going to that film showing but then had to see a friend last minute instead, which is a shame as I guess I would finally met him, so will have to be another time.
Hope he is out of hospital
Hope he is out of hospital very, very soon
http://www.dw.com/en/why-hospital-infections-are-a-bigger-threat-than-hiv-influenza-and-tuberculosis/a-36078813
Best wishes, comrade. Hope
Best wishes, comrade. Hope you get back on deck soon.
Any update?
Any update?
All the best Noah with the
All the best Noah with the operation and recovery.
Hey all! No update yet but
Hey all! No update yet but that's to be expected. I was texting with him as he was waiting to go into surgery and he said that it would be a few days after the transplant before hearing from him. After this type of surgery, texting is too difficult for the first few days. I'm not in touch with any of his family so I can't get updates from them. I do have one of his friends as an emergency contact just in case.
I've emailed Webby the link to this thread so when he uses his phone again he will be able to read your positive messages to him. My heart feels quite warmed by what I've read so far.
I e-mailed him to wish him
I e-mailed him to wish him well.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
Aye, best of luck fella.
Aye, best of luck fella.
All the best, Noah
All the best, Noah
A quick recovery for Noah!
A quick recovery for Noah!
all the best!
all the best!
Solidarity Webby! Get well
Solidarity Webby! Get well soon!
As it happens Noah Fence has
As it happens Noah Fence has rarely offended me...I hope you get through it painlessly and re-emerge even mightier than before, like Obe Wan
Get well soon Noah
Get well soon Noah
UPDATE: Webby is alive.
UPDATE: Webby is alive. However he needs another operation in a few days. Something needs to be fixed. He hasn't been able to tell me much because it's a strain for him to communicate right now. But it's clear that this is a pretty big deal.
Alf
Yes.
ultraviolet wrote: UPDATE:
ultraviolet
Ugh--hope all goes well; sounds awful.
Poor guy, thanks for the
Poor guy, thanks for the update ultraviolet. Break a leg Webby!
You heroically turned up at
You heroically turned up at the AF Filmshow, in London travelling all the way down from East Anglia. This sounds like good news and you actually got the op a lot ahead of when you thought you would. I wish you the very best luck and look forward to seeing you again in the not too distant future.
I'm pulling for ya, webby.
I'm pulling for ya, webby. Keep your stick on the ice.
Speedy recovery compañero,
Speedy recovery compañero, the way things are we need everyone fighting fit and happy as all hell.
Get well soon.
Get well soon.
Yeah get well soon dude.
Yeah get well soon dude. Hope you're not in too much pain by the time you read this.
Fingers crossed for the op,
Fingers crossed for the op, all the best Noah!
Get well soon Sir! ^^
Get well soon Sir! ^^
This is difficult to write
This is difficult to write and mostly I rather not but here it goes. I'm not sure when this next surgery will be but by this weekend seems likely. Part of the new liver needs to be removed. This is ok long term because livers have this miraculous ability to grow to the right size, but there is risk short term for surviving the operation after just having had one and not yet recovered, and maybe even holding on until then (his new liver is currently not functioning properly and won't until they fix it). I don't know what the survival rate is in this type of situation. From what little he's been able to say to me it seems like he's fighting for his life. Basically he is in so much pain over these days that it's like being constantly tortured, literally. There was so much I wanted to say to him and I got most of it out but he had to get off the phone quickly because hearing my voice was like turning up the dial on the torture he feels. Just any noise or sensory stimulation or even thinking right now increases the pain. He was barely able to talk and his voice sounded so different, you could hear the effort behind every syllable.
I was trying to tell him important reasons he has to live and get through this no matter how much it hurts, and how it will all be worth it, all the pain which is overwhelming now will have been worth it a billion times over once you get to start your new life and experience what it has for you and give the amazing things you have in you to give. My hope/intent was and is to give him a boost to his will to live, because that makes a huge difference in these situations. I'm not sure if I was able to do that, though. Because everything I said hurt him more.
One thing I told him is that I can bear to lose a precious friend but I can't bear to lose a precious comrade. Losing such a special friend is a personal loss and would hurt me and make me unhappy. Losing such a special comrade would not just be my loss, it would be a loss to the world. I can bear to be hurt, to be unhappy. But I can't bear for the world to lose someone who can help push things along to one where we can all be happy.
I expect that will sound very foolish to many people but I stand by it. I know nothing changes without a mass movement. But I also know the emergency of the world is too huge, too horrendous, for any of us to undervalue our own potential contribution.
syndicalist wrote: Speedy and
syndicalist
One mo time!
I agree. Best wishes for a
I agree. Best wishes for a successful recovery to Noah once again.
As awful as the experience
As awful as the experience sounds, when UV wrote
i feared the worst, so just know we're pulling for you! Get well soon!
He's alive! The operation was
He's alive! The operation was a success. About 40 minutes ago from the time I'm writing this I got an email from his friend telling me so. Here's a description of how I reacted, which I wrote to his friend in my reply email:
HE'S ALIVE! I just read your email and ran outside to wear my boyfriend was smoking literally shouting that. I jumped on him and hugged him then continued shouting it while jumping around and stood on top of this raised flower bed area outside our building shouting it and put my arms in the air and faced my head to the sky and went, "WHOOOO! WHOOOO! WHOOOO!" And carried on like that doing similarly crazy-seeming things for a minute or so for neighbors and everyone who was nearby to hear and see. I was also bear foot and wearing boxers and a t-shirt because I haven't dressed today. Anyways, I guess you could say that I'm happy and relieved!
It was incredible to get this news. Since he told me he needed that second op, I'd basically done nothing but mope around and think, worry, wish, talk out loud to him alone in my room like a crazy person, etc. Skipping work. Sporadic crying day and night. Fearing the worst.
About 10 minutes after I went back inside I got a call from Webby / Noah Fence. I was not able to understand much of what he said because he wasn't speaking clearly. But here's most of what I was able to understand:
> Since we last spoke he suffered even worse, along with the pain he had very horrifying hallucinations that lasted (or seemed to last) for hours.
> The second operation was a success.
> His kidneys are not damaged but they are not functioning properly.
> He's still in pain. In general it's not as bad as before but there will be periods of increased intensity where it's worse. Due to this he's still not able to communicate (it was a strain for him to do this brief call) so I should not contact him and not expect for him to communicate with me for an indeterminate amount of time. I asked him to send me little one word texts every now and then just to let me know he's still there and he's with us.
> It's too early to tell whether he's going to make it longterm. But he thinks he will.
So from my state of elation I'm back to worrying but not as intensely as before. I think I can manage to watch TV. I'm worried but... I feel like he's gonna make it!!
Good news, thanks for the
Good news, thanks for the update
Thanks for the updates, UV.
Thanks for the updates, UV.
just a few weeks ago I had communicated with webby/Noah through a couple of emails and he seems like a nice chap, as well as being quite dedicated to the anarchist movement. Again, I wish him all the best and hope that he has a speedy recovery.
Thanks so much for the
Thanks so much for the updates UV, that sounds so horrific I can't imagine… Just seen both your posts now, and very glad I got to see the second one immediately as I was thinking I would have to go to bed just having seen your first update. Which is of course nothing compared to what Noah is coming through…
You are good friend, and those were lovely words above. And very true we can't afford to lose you Noah!
ultraviolet wrote: > Since
ultraviolet
that sounds just intolerable. i was delirious once from a massive fever and it was one of the most frightening things i've experienced. this sounds beyond comparison. that's alot to survive.
That's really good news, UV.
That's really good news, UV. Thanks for the update. And Noah (for when you read this), I am glad the surgeries went well and I hope the recovery is as painless as it can be.
Very good news. As someone
Very good news. As someone who went through the pain of cancer and the effects of the curative treatment I empathise very much with Noah's plight at the moment, but I feel sure that he can endure.
Get well soon Mr. Fence
Get well soon Mr. Fence
Battlescarred wrote: Very
Battlescarred
Glad you're ok now, Battlescarred. ❤
Wishing you a speedy recovery
Wishing you a speedy recovery mate.
Any news?
Any news?
Yeah, we've not heard nothing
Yeah, we've not heard nothing for a while, hope he's ok.
Webby aka Noah Fence might
Webby aka Noah Fence might need a third operation. He is desperate to avoid it but will get it if it's necessary for survival. When they first told him he needed the operation he told them to get lost. Soon after, though, he thought about it and decided he will get it if he needs to.
He spoke with hospital staff and they worked out a deal. Every 24 hours they will test his blood and if it shows a good level of improvement, they will forgo the operation for another 24 hours. If that continues long enough and he fully improves and heals to the optimal state then he won't need the operation at all. However, if his blood indicates decline or if he's not improving well enough, he will need the operation.
I don't know the details of what the operation would be for and didn't press for info because it's a strain for him to speak, but he did tell me that this would be smaller than the second/previous operation.
Like I said I don't know the details of his health condition but from what I gather, I believe he's in better health than he was before the second operation. At that point I was very afraid for his life and so was he. I'm estimating that his health is improved based on the following
- He sounds a lot better
- He has way fewer tubes in him than before
- They say this operation would be smaller
- They say he might be able to avoid the operation
- His blood results (which indicate liver health) have been showing improvement
Psychologically though he is struggling. He is excited about life and his future after the hospital, which is great!, but his present and the short-term future are so awful that there are times when he is literally finding it unbearable. His will to fight and endure has been feeling battered, tired, and overwhelmed.
He told me he read this thread today, and it did give him a morale boost. He hasn't been able to post on here, partly because typing tends to make him feel too dizzy, and also because shortly before the transplant he changed his password to something he wouldn't remember to keep himself from signing in. He felt he needed a hiatus from libcom. But he told me he felt heartened by your support and love, and has been thinking of all of you during this time. He will probably check keeping checking this thread again a few times while he's still in the hospital.
ultraviolet wrote: He is
ultraviolet
excellent indicator. all strength to him now.
A close family member
A close family member recently endured a 5 week hospitalization ordeal. At some point during each of those weeks, he thought he would be discharged. Every time the doctors told him he needed to stay longer, he became even more depressed. I'm happy to report he is home and feeling better every day.
I'm saying all of this by way of telling Noah that his feelings are perfectly normal, and ultimately, it will all pay off.
jesuithitsquad wrote: A close
jesuithitsquad
Thats right, I know exactly what thats like from when I was stuck in hospital for several weeks last winter and I was so happy to get out of there and get back home. I hope Noah will get back home soon and I'm glad to hear that his condition is improving and that the operations are a success.
Very sorry to hear you've
Very sorry to hear you've been unwell Noah, sounds like a horrible ordeal, I hope you're out of hospital soon!
Note: My girlfriend(Jane
Note: My girlfriend(Jane here!) is writing this for me.
Thanks for your well wishes. I won't go on about my experience but suffice to say that it has been by far the worst of an already traumatic life. Due to my past abuse of opiates and my sensitivity to all mind altering drugs, proper pain management has proved impossible and has been accompanied by hallucinations so terrifying in nature that I feel at times that my mind is broken permanently. In these times I feel suicide a very appealing option. I had no idea how difficult this would be.
On the other hand, in well moments, I've experienced joy and excitement Ive rarely felt, even surpassing those of getting clean after 18 years as a drug addict. There was one moment when feeling quite well and pain free that can only be described as ecstasy. I was listening to Shout by Tears for Fears with my sister and Jane dancing in their seats while I laid there thinking of my potential life once mended. I was smiling and crying simultaneously all the way through as a feeling of sheer joy surged through every cell in my body!
That all seems a long way off now as a third op is almost inevitable. If you think there's any joy in the third opening of an 18'' incision, you are fucking crazy!
I'll be back when I can message for myself.
Noah Fence #54 Good to hear
Noah Fence #54
Good to hear from you. I hope you’ll be on the mend very soon.
Carry on comrade!
Carry on comrade!
Happy to hear from you, Noah!
Happy to hear from you, Noah!
Bear hugs to you and your
Bear hugs to you and your loved ones Noah! Fighting! ^.^
jesuithitsquad wrote: A close
jesuithitsquad
potrokin
I'm very glad you made these posts. I think Webby / Noah Fence will draw extra strength from them to hear of others who have gone through something similar, experienced depression and despair, but then came through it triumphant and knowing it has all been worth it.
Also very glad to hear that you are doing well now Potrokin! And same for your family member Jesuithitsquad!
Noah Fence
Noah Fence
After you told me about the hallucinations, I did some Googling and learned that hallucinations are not uncommon for people in the hospital who've recently had surgery or other intensive medical interventions, especially when taking powerful pain management drugs.
This reaction is quite normal. Your mind is perfectly fine.
Keep keeping on Noah!
Keep keeping on Noah!
be wrong, be strong!
be wrong, be strong!
Courage, mon brave!
Courage, mon brave!
Any news?
Any news?
So great to hear from Noah,
So great to hear from Noah, via Jane.
And glad that despite the horrific situation you have been able to experience some joy through it as well. Sorry to hear about needing yet another operation but hopefully you are getting towards the end of it at least, all the best!
Webby / Noah Fence got his
Webby / Noah Fence got his third operation on the 10th. His condition has improved. For a couple days he was also feeling great. Then the pain came back very intensely. The hospital staff aren't sure if this means something has gone wrong again. It could just be a result of all the operations he's been through.
They discussed maybe doing another scan to get a look at his liver, but haven't done that. Not exactly sure why. I guess it's pretty traumatic to move him to the scanner in his condition so they only do it if it seems very necessary? They have been doing blood tests to monitor his kidney and liver function. His kidney function is back at 100% and his liver function, though not yet perfect, is improved and doing pretty well. So I guess whether or not they do the scan will be decided in time.
Thanks for the love.
p.s. What does "be wrong, be
p.s. What does "be wrong, be strong" mean? I haven't heard that before, and google didn't help.
took it from a Nomeansno
took it from a Nomeansno album, stand against the current!
best wishes to Noah!
So I'm still here. I'm not
So I'm still here. I'm not quite the person I was in a number of ways but then my physical and mental recovery have a long way to go.
I had quit Libcom but one of the many realisations I have had through this experience is the value of people and I feel that to have comrades in political outlook is such a precious thing to me. To be as judgemental as I have been around here is not going to help in any way at all and really, there are so few of us, we need to have each other's backs. That doesn't mean I don't have my disagreements but focus on areas of agreement should be given priority.
All that said, it would be boring if Libcom was completely snark free so I'll keep at least one barrel primed!!!
I'm going to be housebound for a minimum of three months, possibly six but I'm looking at going home pretty soon to get things underway. Sounds good right? Does it fuck! I'm terrified. I feel safe here and don't want to leave but I'm told that's quite common.
So, tough though it's been, I've received an incredible gift here - after speaking to my surgeon it's been made clear that without the transplant I had just a few months to live, maybe only a few weeks. My life has been saved and to not make the most of the life I now have and to try to be the best person I can be would make me an ungrateful wanker of the very highest order. I've been told I'm a wanker my entire adult life so I could accept that title but I can't accept ingratitude in myself. It just won't do. Hopefully that will be reflected in my future contributions.
Yay! Welcome back Noah. I'm
Yay! Welcome back Noah. I'm very happy to see you posting again and of course that your recovery is going well.
Great news! Glad to hear from
Great news! Glad to hear from you!
Awesome news! Great to hear
Awesome news! Great to hear from you,comrade!
Entdinglichung wrote: took it
Entdinglichung
Ah, I get it now. I like it!
Welcome back, comrade!
Welcome back, comrade!
I feel scared, too. There are
I feel scared, too. There are some things that comfort me, though: Knowing that you'll be going back once a week, that Jane will be taking good care of you, and that being immersed in the happiness of home will improve your emotional/mental/psychological wellbeing which will do great things for your physical wellbeing, health, and recovery. That's not woo, that's science!
Here is an article I came across recently which is just one of many pieces of evidence proving this: http://telegraphsun.com/hospital-offers-therapy-dogs-sick-kids-reduces-recovery-times-30/
A happier environment does amazing things for you.
Rock on, Webby.
Rock on, Webby.
Good you're back Noah
Good you're back Noah
Congrats Noah, welcome back!
Congrats Noah, welcome back!
So happy to hear that Noah,
So happy to hear that Noah, welcome back!
Hey! Great to hear you are
Hey! Great to hear you are back and recovering Noah!
Good news. Try to remain as
Good news. Try to remain as difficult as ever.
Welcome back!
Welcome back!
Great to hear from you Noah,
Great to hear from you Noah, all the best
Take it easy, Noah. Only read
Take it easy, Noah. Only read as much of anything (even Libcom) as you feel like and amuses (?) you. Sleep and drifting in and out I always found gentle fun in my various recoveries, fwiw. Glad to hear you're on the mend!
Excellent news.
Excellent news.
Aye, good to hear this. Take
Aye, good to hear this. Take it easy pal.
Life eh? A parculiar business
Life eh? A parculiar business and no mistake. An example of this happened today - my consultant came to see me and practically in the same breath announced that I was going home and that they had found cancer in my removed liver, 2 tumours! It was agreed that this had been a skin of the teeth situation and that without the liver coming when it did game over was in the post, guaranteed delivery!
I feel so grateful right now and this really helps with the pain. Now, was it serendipity in action, the universe conspiring to fix me up? Nah, woo woo wankery, that's what that is. Was it our Jesus Christ our Lord delivering a chosen one from evil? Don't be daft, religious claptrap. Nope, I am a rational man, this nonsense passes me by as does the idle wind which I respect not. No it was clearly the great communist overlord using its limitless power to save the most important communist there has ever been so that he can lead you to the commised land. Stand aside Bob, your time is gone!
Mmm, either that or I've been a right lucky bastard?!!!!!!
Have hesitated to add my name
Have hesitated to add my name to the long list here but do appreciate your humour in somewhat dire circumstances. Hope you recover to something approaching full strength asap.
Hopefully this will be my
Hopefully this will be my final post on this thread.
I just wanted to say that my recovery is going incredibly well. I'm going for a walk most days, have reduced my pain meds massively, am putting on weight and feel increasingly well as the days pass. What the NHS has done for me is incredible - 9 weeks ago I had severe liver failure, liver cancer and a few months to live at most. I rarely left my bed and had no real quality of life, if I managed to leave the house for a few hours I would pay for it for days. Now I'm planning when I can drive, when I can get back to work and even starting to think about going on a walking holiday next autumn.
I've had a pretty tough time of it but it's feeling well worth it at the moment. I am a very happy, excited and grateful man right now. I hope I always feel this way.
Glad to hear that. Happy New
Glad to hear that. Happy New Year
Great news
Great news
Thats great to hear
Thats great to hear :)
Damn the torpedoes, full
Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead com
Excellent news.You are a
Excellent news.You are a phoenix rising from the flames!
The point of life is life. Goethe.
Hope Noah is ok. Not seen any
Hope Noah is ok. Not seen any posts from him here for a while.
potrokin wrote: Hope Noah is
potrokin
Thanks for your concern. Physically I'm doing really well but struggling mentally with all the stuff I went through. Progress is being made but I had no idea I'd have this problem.
I haven't been posting but am still lurking.
I hope you get well soon,
I hope you get well soon, mentally, physically and even spiritually if you go for that kind of thing. I guess it's kind of like being hit by a car. Anyway I miss you around being nearly as funny as me. Get well soon, take care of yourself.
Nice to hear that you are
Nice to hear that you are still about Noah and I hope you make a full recovery.
Three years today since UV
Three years today since UV posted this. I set off on a memorial walk this morning - 101 miles in four days on the North Norfolk Coast Path. Did 28.4 miles today, incredible really, before my ops I could only walk maybe half a mile with the aid of stick.
Anyways, it’s been a very thoughtful day and I remembered this thread and have just read through it. Thanks again for all the kind words. Life has been incredibly difficult since my transplant, as is common, the whole process of being sick, coming to terms with death and then going through the trauma of three bouts of major surgery, horrific hallucinations etc has meant a prolonged period of deep depression. I’m not far off completely recovered now though and very grateful for my good fortune. It has to be said - the NHS absolutely smashed it!
Anyway guys, look after your health and thanks once more for all your messages. They really meant a lot to me at a time when I really wanted to die.
Oh yeah, one more thing - this morning after the first seven miles I met up with Steve Ignorant of Crass fame who took me to his house and fed me with beans on toast! 54 years old yet still the unlikeliest of things keep happening!
Best wishes comrade!
Best wishes comrade!
Great to hear you keep
Great to hear you keep getting better! Were those beans on toast planned or just a happenstance?
Cooked wrote: Were those
Cooked
I guess that depends on your spiritual perspective! From mine I would say they were a consequence of the fact that the cafe where we had agreed to meet was unexpectedly closed.
This is great to hear Noah
This is great to hear Noah Fence.
I walked 14 miles last week and I felt a bit knackered for about 2 days.
I'd have loved to eaten beans on toast with Mr Ignorant. He's a decent character.
It's great to hear this.
It's great to hear this.
It had been about a week
It had been about a week since I visited the forum and when I logged in and saw that there were new messages in this thread I feared the worst, but happily my fears were unfounded and it's really great to hear that your now doing so well. All my best, comrade.
BTW, the furthest measured distance that I have ever walked in a single day was a just a little under 24 miles during a backpacking trip with some friends in the Sierra Nevada mountains out in California.
It was brutal.
Sike wrote: BTW, the
Sike
Well, mountain walking is another level of difficulty so I’m not in the least surprised at the brutality of 24 miles!
My first day was hard work but not really a problem. The following three days were, well, brutal! Much tougher than I was expecting both physically and mentally. The final four or five miles were excruciating.
Had loads of support from the Ignorants with a barrage of encouraging messages coming all day every day and then seven miles from the end they met up with me and rallied round with sausage sandwiches, oat cakes, green tea and blister plasters! They’d also offered to rescue me at any point if my injuries(of which there were several) got the better of me. Kindness to a fault to a virtual stranger.
All in all a difficult but rewarding experience. Confession time though - due to blisters created on the first day, I fell short on miles on the subsequent days. A grand total then of 88 miles. Still, there’s always next year.
Excellent comrade! Well done!
Excellent comrade! Well done!
I'm really happy to hear that
I'm really happy to hear that you, Noah Fence, are on the path to health. And I also want to thank you for being both an inspiration and a supportive comrade when I went through two bouts of surgery myself, although mine were much less severe.
In 2016 I went through laparoscopic surgery, in which my recovery was as successful as expected. So much so that within 10 days I was able to go on a 10-mile cliffside hike along a nearby seashore national park.
Desiring to never have to go through that again, I started a vigorous health regime based on weekly hikes that involved ascents of significant elevation. But the demands on my aging body (I'm a couple years older than Noah) caused a hernia while climbing up the side of a steep ridge, so almost exactly year after my operation I underwent the knife again to repair the hernia.
But I continue to hike every weekend, from 5-15 miles each time. My health has never been better. So I just want to affirm that Noah is on to the right approach, since being in nature has so many therapeutic aspects. For me, that means fresh air, the scent of conifers (I live in California's coastal redwood belt), views of the vast Pacific, perennial creeks cascading down ravines over mini-waterfalls, pure water from natural springs, and a friendly "hello" from nearly every fellow hiker I encounter on the trail (unlike the alienating urbane anonymity of where I live and work). I really find these outings to be healing physically, mentally and spiritually.
Over the last few years, my hiking practice put me in contact with the tradition of clockwise circumambulation of mountain peaks (pradakśiṇā in Sanskrit), so on each equinox and solstice I join other hikers and partake in this tradition at a nearby peak (Mount Tamalpais) where we start at dawn near sea level and for the rest of the day hike 17 miles, circling a coastal peak of 2,571 feet, and return to where we started to bring closure to our odyssey. We follow a Himalayan ritual of stopping at various points to pay homage to the mountain. This custom has helped keep me alive and healthy.
Noah, i sent you another PM
Noah, i sent you another PM
That’s great Hieronymous!
That’s great Hieronymous! Thanks for your comment. Keep walking comrade!
I found that there are lots of people that enjoy walking, possibly as much and as frequently as I do, but there are a section of those people(myself included) that can be put into the class of ‘Walker’, for them it is something they have little choice in, there is a drive which compels them to walk however inappropriate the timing may be, however rotten the weather is. Along with all the elements you mention there is another dynamic at play which is very tangible though wholly indescribable. There are writers that give it a good try though and when I read them the affinity is very strong.
Noah Fence wrote: . . . for
Noah Fence
Noah, thanks for more words of inspiration!
In the U.S., this is the 4-day Thanksgiving weekend. I was obliged to attend a sequence of traditional feasts with co-workers, friend/comrades, and family. So much so that I couldn't get out for my walk. I started to get stir-crazy and desperately needed burn off all the rich food I've been scarfing down, so I decided to do a short (5-mile) pre-dawn hike this morning despite the temperature being slightly below freezing (27°F/-3°C); granted, in California we are wimps when it comes to coldness). I wanted to be on the trail before a forecast "atmospheric river" (called a "Pineapple Express" in my region) rainstorm hit.
The other advantage of starting so early is that there are so many fewer on the trail, meaning more solitude, opportunity to take in bird song, and -- at least here, where I live -- chances to spot wild critters (domestic dogs being walked scare them off). Soon after dawn this morning, while walking atop a coastal ridge with the ocean spreading out to the horizon, I came across a healthy young coyote foraging for food. There's this sense of satisfaction beyond words in these encounters. It just makes me feel more alive to see that we haven't completely fucked up the ecosystem and animals higher up on the food chain have survived.
Now, with the skies pouring down rain, I am starting the 3rd day of my holiday weekend in such a good mood. Hiking or walking does that for me every time.
Brilliant! Where you are
Brilliant!
Where you are sounds fantastic but although there are many way more spectacular places in the UK, there is nowhere I would prefer to walk than the wonderfully subtle Suffolk countryside where I live. I walk the same lanes and paths repeatedly yet they are rarely the same from one day to the next. Even if the weather is exactly the same as the day before, my mood or life events will alter my perception and so create a different experience. In my family we call it the ‘gasoline rainbow factor’. You’ll need to be very familiar with Catcher in the Rye to get the reference!
Noah Fence wrote: Brilliant!
Noah Fence
I should read that book someday. Also, can't believe it's been over a month since I've visited Libcom. During that time I turned 50 and had a small basal cell carcinoma (5 mm) removed from the bridge of my nose. Very minor surgery really, but still weird lying there fully awake while a doctor slices away at my nose and then goes a away for close to hour to test the margins of the slice to see if more will need to be cut. I got away with two passes of the scalpel, a few stitches, and a small scar.
Sike, best wishes for healing
Sike, best wishes for healing from your operation. Damn, the ravages of age and how it requires us to go under the knife (literally, in your case; mine was a robotic micro-blade two times). And Sike, where in the Sierras did you go backpacking?
Noah, I looked up that passage from Catcher in the Rye, since the only thing I can remember about reading that book 25 years ago is that Holden hated the artifice of movies. I can vaguely recall really, really liking the book, so much so that for decades I hardly ever watched films.
Yeah, the "gasoline rainbow factor," about how he would go on the same routine school visit to a museum, but each time he'd "be different in some way" that he couldn't explain.
I get that. My adventure the other day (in the post above) was a non-routine hike that's a 15-minute drive and 10 miles from my apartment.
Today I did my routine 6-mile walk in a light rain, beginning from my apartment and heading directly into the "Southern Wilds," a wooded area of San Francisco's historic Presidio -- which served as a military base from 1776 until 1994 (and is now a "national recreation area") -- and I covered the normal terrain, which -- like you point out about your walks -- was definitely a different experience vis-à-vis my psychological state, mood and perception. My walk is a ritual that includes passing through sites relevant to local working class history, the first one as I enter a national military cemetery and pay homage at the tombstone of Howard Sperry (buried there because he was a WWI veteran), one of the two martyrs of the '34 general strike.
Towards the end of the walk, back in the city at the fringe of the Presidio's woods and a natural lake, I pass by the former apartment of Dow Wilson, the recording secretary of Painters Local 4 who was shotgunned to death in 1966 at age 40. Wilson refused to perform the role of union bureaucrat by not wearing suit and tie, sporting a beard and casual clothes, and peppering speeches with profanity and quotes by Shakespeare and other poets. At the helm of the union, he militantly led successful strikes, broke the color line and helped integrate the union in defiance of the international union leadership. For all this, union higher-ups colluded with trustees from the employer-run insurance fund (which they'd been embezzling from, as Wilson had recently uncovered) and ordered his execution in front of the union hall. I always pause before the duplex where he lived, look up at his family's unit, and honor his martyrdom. I met his daughter Rebecca Wilson once, who told me that the Communist Party in the 1940s kicked him out for being "too anarchist." She wrote an amazing memoir, called A House with No Roof, about his assassination and how his tragic end affected her family, as she was only 3 when he died. The fictional version of her father's life, John van der Zee's Blood Brotherhood, was recommended for its historical accuracy. She also told me that his enemies constantly berated him as a "beatnik" because he was so freethinking, literary and radically anti-authoritarian, which allows me to end my walking pilgrimage on a light yet somberly poetic note, as well inspiring me to see that Dow Wilson lived -- and died -- by principles worth emulating.
Damn Noah, you're really getting me worked up and I can't wait for my next walk or hike.
Sike, you point out that your
Sike, you point out that your surgery was minor, which I guess is considerably better than it being major, but I think the most significant element of these situations is actually confronting your mortality. For some I guess this can be very scary, but for others(including myself) it is not uncommon for it to be a very freeing and exhilarating experience. Not that my experience was an altogether good one - I suffered a fair amount of pain and debilitation for several years, but the existential element was both liberating and fascinating. My experience closely mirrored that of Wilko Johnson and his documentary film, The Ecstacy of Wilko Johnson paints a great picture of it. Trailer here https://youtu.be/iaQRbpRYqU8
My experience after my cure is another and almost opposite story, but thankfully, after three difficult years, all that seems to be behind me. Phew!
Of course, many others have neither experience, how about you?
Hieronymous, the gasoline
Hieronymous, the gasoline rainbow factor also applies to books - since I first read it in 1983 I’ve read Catcher in the Rye well over fifty times! I’ve slowed down a little now and just read it every December.
I repeatedly read the work of Russell Hoban, Charles Bukowski and Irvin Welsh, and have read A Clockwork Orange almost as many times as Catcher. A different experience every time with all of them though with Russell Hoban there is often wild variations in my interpretations. His book Kleizeit is an absolute fucking masterpiece which tackles the subject of middle age and declining health in an absurd, hallucinatory and hilarious way. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
Noah Fence
Noah Fence
Wow! I'm impressed. As I said, from what I remember it's a great book.
Noah Fence
Novels? Poetry? Short stories?
I really loved Ham on Rye and Post Office.
Ever read John Fante, a fellow traveler of Hank's in hardscrabble L.A.?
Anything by him really but
Anything by him really but particularly the two books you mention. And ‘Spark’ is one of my favourite ever poems.
I read one book by Fante which was just fantastic, it was called something like Wait Until Spring? I should read some more. Any recommendations?
Noah Fence wrote: I read one
Noah Fence
Fante is the only writer whose entire oevre I've read. In my early twenties, while browsing in a book shop, I discovered his books serendipitously. I was attracted to the rough paper binding of the original Black Sparrow Press books (they also published Bukowski), as well as the title of the first one I ever read, Dreams from Bunker Hill. I pulled the book off the shelf because my grandfather had lived in that part of downtown Los Angeles as a young man, when the hillside was covered with grand old Victorian mansions that had been subdivided into small tenement units and he filled me with stories of the vitality of the community living there. Mike Davis' City of Quartz details how redevelopers' wrecking balls and bulldozers wiped that entire working class district off the map, scheming to create a gleaming new financial center (which largely failed).
So I'd suggest reading all the fiction Fante wrote. By the way, he died in 1983, so several books were published posthumously. Here's my list:
Novels (by year it was written):
The Road to Los Angeles (1936, published 1985)
Wait Until Spring, Bandini (1938)
Ask the Dust (1939)
Full of Life (1952)
The Brotherhood of the Grape (1977)
Dreams from Bunker Hill (1982)
1933 Was a Bad Year (1985)
West of Rome (1986)
Short stories
Dago Red (1940)
The Wine of Youth: Selected Stories (1985)
The Big Hunger: Stories, 1932–1959 (2000)
Fante is one of the few writers whose books I savor and delight in reading every single word as I follow the saga of Fante's alter ego, Arturo Bandini. Highly recommended!
I agree, a fine writer, as
I agree, a fine writer, as Bukowski realised, and was influenced by.
Hieronymous wrote: Sike, best
Hieronymous
Hieronymous, thank you, and although not sure when your surgery was best wishes to you on your recovery as well.
The backpacking trip was in the Golden Trout Wilderness in the Southern Sierra's. I was in my late 20s and a jogger, so cardio wise the uphill was a breeze. What was hard was that my legs were not conditioned for the downhill as I had not done any real hiking before that and my knees suffered badly for it.
Noah Fence
Noah, I guess that is probably much more so when the condition is more immediately life threatening, such in your case for instance. Having previously read about the risks posed by the various types of skin cancers I was already somewhat familiar with Basal cell carcinoma (BCC) and when given the diagnosis was fairly confidant that my life was not in any danger. Although if left untreated Basal cell carcinoma (BCC) can eventually cause significant localized damage it almost never metastasizes and spreads to the lymph nodes or vital organs. I think that the chance of BCC metastasis is less than one percent.
What did concern me was most was not knowing how widespread the malignancy was, or if it had invaded the surrounding tissue (cartilage, mucous membranes, neural tissue) because apparently with BCC what is visible on the surface is sometimes just the tip of the iceberg, and the cancer can send out roots within the skin and spread to an area up to about five times what is visible from the outside. Also, the lesion had been on my nose for several years already when the diagnosis came in. During all that time the lesion remained only about 3 mm in size and really didn't look like anything special, just a flat whitish spot, and not like any of the skin cancer pictures that I had seen online and so I discounted as just another skin blemish from age until my dermatologist pointed it out during a visit for unrelated issue.
So not knowing exactly how much of my nose would have to removed and the extent of the reconstructive surgery that would be required post-op was kind of disconcerting. However, once the surgery was over and I was declared cancer free the affected area proved to be quite small (about 8 mm) and limited to the cutaneous tissue with no invasion of the surrounding structures. The surgeon was able to close the wound with some simple sutures and I was out of there the same day and had the sutures removed one week later. I'm now well on my way to recovery with what seems as though it will be minimal scaring.