E02.2: Queer As Fake? Polyamourous And Queer Relationship Complications

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Submitted by Qwoke on June 30, 2019

Question 2 on Episode 2 of Anarcho Agony Aunts (formerly known as #NHS4lefties)

''Is it a widespread "thing" for slightly latent queer tending hetero guys to have a 'learning relationship' with a queer woman's emotional labour input, and then default to their more familiar heteronormative relationship, saying it's how they see their long term future?
context (bit lengthy to read out but just so the question makes sense): i think this thing is going on with hetero guy I've been seeing for six months (default poly relationship). Guy met someone he was interested in, and once he'd had a couple of dates (including sex) he was besotted with her, and felt a liberating re-discovery of his femme-activated hetero sexuality. With me, he's been really joyful about exploring a more queer way of being in relationships (I'm a masc of centre queer woman) but has also had this debilitating insecurity about his hetero-maleness. Including never being dom in bed, having warned me upfront (3rd night togetherish) that he was 'really dominant' - hearing you chat about this shit in your first session was what made me want to send this in for yous. Now he wants to stop having sex with me because it's too confusing for him but to keep all the emotional closeness and intimacy except sexual stuff. we have pre-acknowledged it's probs gonna be awkward 'so where is that boner gonna go if we're ignoring it' spoons. Except the gender dynamics in the question, this is a run of the mill relationship goes from sexual to friendship scenario, with loads of communication throughout. It's not baaaaaad. just the bloke getting a bit of a jammy deal rn.''

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