Five simple reasons to abolish capitalism

This is not going to be theoretical. There’ll be no discussion of the alienation of labor or the theory of surplus value. I won’t even be focusing on the big reasons like not having a boss or the three hour workday. Instead, I’m just going to list five day-to-day changes that that I’m pretty damn sure will happen once the flood of communism comes to atone for the sins of capital.

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on May 25, 2012

(1) One size Tupperware lids. Being the cheap bastard that I am, every time I get takeaway I keep the plastic container. The only problem is that although they look like the same size, either the corners or just a bit too rounded or the sides are just a bit too long. Then, any time I want to take my lunch with me to work, I have to dig around my cupboard for 20 minutes trying to find a lid to fit the container. Fuck that. I have no doubt that under communism—without plastic companies competing to ensure that they’ll be no mixing and matching of lids and containers—we’ll have standardized that shit!

(2) All music, films, theatre, concert and museums will be free.

(3) Artistic talent used for art and not fucking advertising. NOTHING pisses me off more than to see the efforts of obviously very talented people being wasted to shill corporate shit. Artists should create art not commodities.

(4)No more telemarketing calls. ‘Nuff said.

(5)No more cheap quality appliances. I used to sell appliances. Besides outright planned obsolescence, there was a spectrum of products made available to the “consumer market”. It ranged from cheap shit for poor people (and, of course, for landlords to install in their apartments) to much better quality products for the wealthy. In the absence of a competitive economy, the goal will be to create products that last as long as possible and thus limit the total amount of social labor to fill society’s need and wants.

This list is just a start. Add your own!

Comments

Neon_Black

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Neon_Black on May 26, 2012

1. No more paper wasted on money/newspapers.
2. No more cloth/plastic wasted on flags.
3. Won't have to renew passport.
4. Won't have to worry whenever I lose something (this happens a lot).
5. Can get a decent pair of shoes that will last ages, rather than constantly buying cheap crappy ones.

Joseph Kay

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Joseph Kay on May 26, 2012

The spam industry will cease to exist. Internet spam rather than tinned. Though maybe that too.

Standfield

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Standfield on May 26, 2012

[email protected]

No more little plastic stickers on apples.

:lol: That actually does annoy me.

No more fucking middle-men, especially estate agents.

Fucktheborder

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Fucktheborder on May 26, 2012

No more dole queues, no more knock knock sales reps, no more debt, no more tax, no more rent. Fuck it, we need a revolution!

Fucktheborder

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Fucktheborder on May 26, 2012

oh yeah and no more annoying leaflets from the same kebab shop

Fleur

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Fleur on May 26, 2012

Can't agree more on the shoe thing. Footwear that actually withstands a bit of walking.
People who come to my door to peddle religion, and then won't leave when I politely ask them to, forcing me to be rude and abusive to strangers in my own space. Feel especially annoyed at the ones who bring their children with them, ruining the kid's weekend/evening.
No more celebrity prattle being passed off as news.
No more shipping of useless stuff half-way across the world when we can make the things we need locally.
No more cash crops. We can grow our flowers at home and chocolate is an over-rated substance anyway.
People will realise that the sort of anti-social behaviour associated with blasting out crap music, to whit Michael Buble and Celine Dion, 24/7 in their back yard as soon as the weather is half-way decent, is not acceptable. Actually, my neighbours will find a community more suited to their needs to live in, along with all the other people who like Michael Buble and Celine Dion and I hope that they will be very happy there.
No more constant worrying about incoming bills.

wojtek

11 years ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by wojtek on April 9, 2013

No more sponsored football shirts/ stadiums

I mean the Eitihad stadium in ruddy Manchester?! The D(ave) W(helan)?! The meglamaniac! The last straw for me was when Barcelona went behind my back and signed with 'Qatar Foundation'. Aestheticially it's horrific, I mean just check out this sexy retro man, sorry er shirt by comparison! ;)

No more artificial, corporate, top-down fans clobber

The banality of it never fails to make my eyes bleed.

A thriving Ultra scene back in the UK baby! (hopefully...)

People will realise that the sort of anti-social behaviour associated with blasting out crap music, to whit Michael Buble and Celine Dion, 24/7 in their back yard as soon as the weather is half-way decent, is not acceptable. Actually, my neighbours will find a community more suited to their needs to live in, along with all the other people who like Michael Buble and Celine Dion and I hope that they will be very happy there.

Or haters will 'volunteer' for the salt mines! ;)

jef costello

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by jef costello on May 26, 2012

Never having to stand there and have a landlord or boss lie to your face and make you eat shit and being forcd to do it because although legally and morally you are right they have your livelihood and home in their hands.

Rob Ray

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Rob Ray on May 26, 2012

- Being able to get something to someone far away without having to mortgage your worldy possessions
- Being able to reproduce a photo without having to take out a second mortgage on your worldly posessions
- Being able to use the tools of the creative arts without having to take out a mortgage on everyone else's worldly possessions.

blackout

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by blackout on May 26, 2012

Being able to get public transport without it costing an obscene amount.

Not having to make decisions like "shall I buy lunch this week or shall I fix my bicycle brakes." or thinking "I really hope that weird noise doesn't mean I have to get my car repaired."

££ = :(

EastTexasRed

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by EastTexasRed on May 26, 2012

No more Trots!

syndicalist

11 years 11 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by syndicalist on May 26, 2012

RETIREMENT from having to do too much movement shitwork!

RETIREMENT from having to debate the same questions over and over and over again!

RETIREMENT from having to listen to endless arguments by European anarchists and syndicalists.

RETIREMENT from having to deal with rigid politics and know it alls!

LOTS of canoe camping trips!

Lori L.

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Lori L. on May 27, 2012

Redevelopment of a portion of America's vast suburban wasteland on a human scale, and re-wilding of the other 90%.

Ramona

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Ramona on May 28, 2012

Those plastic security seals on milk bottles. Can we do something about those? Or at least standardise them so you only have to perfect one technique?

Standfield

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Standfield on May 28, 2012

Having the freedom to decorate our our towns with murals, paint OUR houses and OUR streets whatever colours we want. No more unfinished tags - graffers can take their time. Milton Keynes will look like a fucking rainbow.

Harrison

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Harrison on May 28, 2012

A new generation of Jeremy Kyle / Jerry Springer type shows, featuring former rich celebrities and their former employees. Kyle's role is rotated per episode around the 2003-2006 userbase of libcom.org

(First episode would feature Hugh Grant getting the shit kicked out of him by former prostitutes)

There would be a spin off 24/7 live channel where the ICC take it in shifts to run a panel that bores the fuck out of sleep-deprived pro-capitalist intellectuals, until they cave in to communism. The studio would look as bland and early 1980s as possible

NotVerySpecial

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by NotVerySpecial on May 28, 2012

Chilli Sauce, that is fucking hillarious! Can I make those 5 reasons into a leaflet for the next demo? Good to have a bit of humour to our politics.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on May 28, 2012

Thanks for the compliments everyone. The response to this blog has been really great and, yeah, fucking 'ell more sleep and no more fruit labels. (As an aside, I used to work as a cashier and those numbers would run through my head as I was falling to sleep. I thought about submitting to Recomposition Blog as part of their series about how work even invades sleep.)

Anyway, I'm not sure my writing warrants a pamphlet, but please feel free to use any and all of it for any purposes in keeping with my politics.

801

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by 801 on May 29, 2012

Due to the fact that pointless/not fun things wouldn’t need to be produced, like brand image and energy drinks, everyone would have the day off the minimal hours we had to spend on things that people didn’t like doing so much when the weather was hot and sunny. The rotated work groups that had to be in an office/cleaning inside for some reason would be suspended until bad weather returns. Everyone could sit in the park having barbeques with their friends.

There would be many more outdoor pools constructed as the lack of a need for profit would not make them unviable during the winter.

There would be roof terraces for all who wanted them constructed over a week with friends and neighbours. There would be a planning committee to make sure you didn’t plunge your neighbour’s house into darkness but they would be informally convened amongst those living near the proposed structure, they would also be awesome.

There would be street parties, but not to celebrate hereditary privilege, they would celebrate the weather getting better and things like that.

Lastly there would be no chlorine in all the outdoor pools already mentioned as that shit burns your eyes, children who shit in the pool get sent to re-education camps, adults who shit in the pool get sent to the salt mines already constructed by another poster.

Ramona

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Ramona on May 29, 2012

Good call. Not having to pay £25 for the morning after pill. Being able to get the morning after pill on a Sunday, cos chemists (or whatever we have instead) won't be closed due to God.

Steven.

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Steven. on May 29, 2012

I'm looking forward to queueing for everything

Between Your Teeth

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Between Your Teeth on May 29, 2012

being able to get a t-shirt, say in size L, that doesn't veer from so small it decapitates you as you try it on, to being so large the occupy movement pitches it in a graveyard (or whatever wacky thing they're still coming up with)

this for me is communism

Railyon

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Railyon on May 29, 2012

no more reality tv, no more ads, no more 4 different gaming consoles a gen all with console-specific disk lockout and all that jazz...

Chilli Sauce

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on May 31, 2012

No more region-coded DVDs!

redsdisease

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by redsdisease on May 31, 2012

Capitalism seems to do a really lackluster salt mine.

Ethos

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Ethos on May 31, 2012

-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

-Never again will an undergraduate take a "First Year Experience" course or any other course completely irrelevant to what the student wants to learn.

flaneur

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by flaneur on May 31, 2012

All trousers are drainpipes as default.
Smokes that come in packs bigger than 20 and last forever.
No more learning lanaguages/things, just memory downloads ala The Matrix.
Giant Cadbury's Creme Eggs with all the goo inside.
No more bland architecture, designs and cars Steve McQueen wouldn't be seen dead in.

wojtek

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by wojtek on May 31, 2012

Access to journal articles would be free and they'd be available to all.

Railyon

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Railyon on May 31, 2012

Ethos

-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

I want flowery print on everything. Communism can't deliver that therefore communism is impossible.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on May 31, 2012

Ethos

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Ethos on June 1, 2012

Railyon

Ethos

-No more toilet paper with flowery print on it. (I wipe my ass with it, for Christ sake!)

I want flowery print on everything. Communism can't deliver that therefore communism is impossible.

Fuck, does that mean I have to become a Rawlsian or some bullshit now? :cry:

ChilliSauce,

You know what? I sort of want all toilet paper to look like that. If only because it'll give all the Tea-baggers a heart attack to know people wipe their asses with the faces of the Founding Fathers (peace be upon them).

m4trix87

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by m4trix87 on June 3, 2012

No more having to protest against capitalism, which opens time for other activities.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on June 4, 2012

No more having to protest against capitalism

I do worry I might lose my sense of purpose in life...

Nah tho, skateboarding, gardening, and a second (and hopefully third) language will definitely be on the post-revolutionary cards.

wojtek

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by wojtek on June 19, 2012

Bosses of shit convenience food companies will be made to undergo surgery so that they'll look like this

and have WWE wrestler Mark Henry lather their new breasts with baby oil and caress them before every meal time, which will consist of their own produce not caviar, phesant, etc.

wojtek

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by wojtek on June 19, 2012

They'll also have to live in a student house with twelve other former bosses.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 10 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on June 19, 2012

They'll also have to live in a student house with twelve other former bosses...

...big brother style.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on July 9, 2012

Not having to meet new people/old friends/relatives who brag about how many people they manage, as if they number of people "they have under them" should be something which impresses you.

Uncreative

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Uncreative on July 10, 2012

I wouldnt have to move from shitty ran down rental property to shitty ran down rental property every year, with a 24 hour period of homelessness between the two where i have nowhere to store my stuff.

Instead of having to look at hundreds of small, poorly designed websites that intentially obscure information from you, there would be one website for renting/borrowing moving vans.

There would be internet at the house the day you move in.

I would never again have to endure the tedium of comparing prices of phones, internet, utilities, insurance, etc.

boozemonarchy

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by boozemonarchy on July 11, 2012

Passports only purpose being for collecting neat stamps. (not from nation-states, as they will be no longer) Instead, your friends may require you to bring your passport for entry into their apartment. Your friends "visa" stamp will probably be the image of a penguin eating an ice-cream cone.

You had a beer with a friend, you got the stamp, its official now, no-one cares, welcome to communism you weirdo.

Chilli Sauce

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on July 14, 2012

Multiple purchase discounts: buy two bottles of boojie juice and save a dollar. Well, I don't fucking want two bottles of juice, I only want one. And instead of letting me just save fifty sense on one, I have to pay full price. Well fuck you and fuck capitalism.

Also, all this has made me think of this, The Ten Inefficiencies of Capitalism

wojtek

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by wojtek on July 14, 2012

Dear Chilli,

http://home.teleport.com/~droogie/edocs/StealEverything-v1_1.pdf

Yours sincerely,

Your friendly big bossman

jef costello

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by jef costello on July 14, 2012

Uncreative

I wouldnt have to move from shitty ran down rental property to shitty ran down rental property every year, with a 24 hour period of homelessness between the two where i have nowhere to store my stuff.

Instead of having to look at hundreds of small, poorly designed websites that intentially obscure information from you, there would be one website for renting/borrowing moving vans.

There would be internet at the house the day you move in.

I would never again have to endure the tedium of comparing prices of phones, internet, utilities, insurance, etc.

I hear you. I'd like to look at a property which had an actual kitchen and which didn't have a damp cellar masquerading as a bedroom.
"Well spotted I'll let the landlord know about that so he can take care of it."
Doubtful, as I'm assuming he's the one that painted over it and hoped along with dehumidifier I saw upstairs that would be enough to hide the damp until it was rented.

Ethos

11 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Ethos on July 14, 2012

jef costello

Doubtful, as I'm assuming he's the one that painted over it and hoped along with dehumidifier I saw upstairs that would be enough to hide the damp until it was rented.

I'm surprised I haven't heard of a landlord trying to justify that by saying it's "green" or "eco-friendly", e.g. "Hey, mold is organic".

Chilli Sauce

10 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Chilli Sauce on July 14, 2013

So I know I'm dragging up an old thread here, but I've got another: paying to use a public restroom.

I mean, WTF, the flagrant commodification of bodily functions. How can anyone possible support capitalism after they've paid dollar to take a piss?

Noah Fence

10 years 9 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by Noah Fence on July 14, 2013

No more po faced wankers condemning good pop music on the grounds that it's 'commercial'.

Speaking of landlords - no more being the most hopeless landlord in the history of capitalism because my horrible affliction, namely, a conscience!

curtis450

3 years 3 months ago

In reply to by libcom.org

Submitted by curtis450 on December 23, 2020

No more slavery
no more overexploiting
we can reverse climate change
Complete liberation of animals
Free association
Free travel