McHumour - McDonalds Workers Resistance

This guy goes to assertiveness classes, comes home, pounds on the door and shouts at his wife “give us a cup of tea now!” Entering the house and confidently flinging his jacket down he continues, “after that you're gonnae make me some dinner then suck my cock, then I want you to run me a nice warm bath and wash me. And after that can you guess who's gonnae dress me and comb my hair?”
“The fuckin funeral director” says his wife.

That joke isn't very funny and has nothing to do with McDonalds. If you would like to read humour relevant to our crappy jobs (but which still isn't very funny) then you're in the right place.

What about ‘McSues' magazine ? ‘Loaded' described it as "an excellent handbook for anyone who has ever had to scoop fries and slosh a mop around the latrines while still flashing a smile for the customers.” And they would know, right?

Or perhaps the hilarious ‘MockNews'1 (can you see a pattern developing with these names) might cause you to chuckle. We can't believe the world has only been treated to one issue of MockNews but subjected to hundreds of episodes of ‘The Fresh Prince'.

But maybe your cup of tea is buttered on the side of a more practical humour? Then we strongly recommend the notorious, legendary, Alternative Crew Handbook. But don't take our word for it, just listen to Bill Davies, McDonalds franchise holder and big fan of the Alternative Crew Handbook: “This is not amusing, and has consequences you have clearly not considered (…) What you have done is thoroughly obstructive to my business. You may consider this as funny, but have you considered what should happen should anyone be foolish enough to follow your suggestions? (…) I am not a man without humour but what you have done is inappropriate and I must request you remove it immediately or I shall be force to legal recourse.”

Then there was a brief period when, like many naughty young boys, we enjoyed making prank phone calls. Want to know what Funnywump said to Richard Branson?

And finally, it's been about four years and we are still waiting for a reply to the charming Christmas card we sent to senior management in 2000. Really, manners cost nothing.

• 1 libcom note: unfortunately the site containing this has gone down. If anyone has an original copy please get in touch so it can be scanned for the library.