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Funniest thing you read today

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#362
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xxzxcuzxme
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Joined: 22-05-15
May 26 2015 14:28
ocelot wrote:
Hurriyet: Masturbating men ‘will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,’ says Muslim televangelist

Quote:
After claiming that a man would meet his masturbating hand “pregnant in the afterlife” and “asking for its rights,” a Muslim televangelist has set Turkish social media aflame.[...]

I, for one, are exceptionally happy that theological arguments have developed so finely. No longer are we concerned with simplistic matters such as how many angels can fit on a pinhead. Now the pressing question is how many weird afterlife babies can fit in one hand. Progress indeed.

Edit- I missed the "asking for rights" bit, so now they are weird talking afterlife babies.

#363
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Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
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May 26 2015 14:07
xxzxcuzxme wrote:
I, for one, are exceptionally happy that theological arguments have developed so finely. No longer are we concerned with simplistic matters such as how many angels can fit on a pinhead. Now the pressing question is how many weird afterlife babies can fit in one hand. Progress indeed.

Damn you, you just made me spit my coffee out grin angry

#364
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ocelot's picture
ocelot
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Joined: 15-11-09
May 26 2015 15:18
xxzxcuzxme wrote:
Edit- I missed the "asking for rights" bit, so now they are weird talking afterlife babies.

Weird, talking, "social justice warrior" afterlife babies.

edit: in fairness, according to amendment 8 of the Irish constitution, as unborn children, they actually have equal rights to real living people. So maybe they're Irish as well??? The plot thickens...

#365
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arminius's picture
arminius
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May 26 2015 16:30

But would the 'issue' be babies or more hands (and talking ones at that?)?

#366
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Serge Forward's picture
Serge Forward
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Joined: 14-01-04
May 26 2015 23:05

The patter of tiny hands?

#367
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Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
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Joined: 18-12-12
May 27 2015 16:30
Serge Forward wrote:
The patter of tiny hands?

Hang on. What's Jeremy Beadle got to do with this?

#368
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plasmatelly's picture
plasmatelly
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Joined: 16-05-11
May 27 2015 16:40

That's poor, Webby..

#369
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Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
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Joined: 18-12-12
May 27 2015 17:18
plasmatelly wrote:
That's poor, Webby..

Just testing the reactionary acceptability levels for the Mad Max thread.

Selfie down vote applied.

#370
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plasmatelly's picture
plasmatelly
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Joined: 16-05-11
May 27 2015 17:29

Yeah, I think I need a few of those tests before jump in sometimes too.

#371
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Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
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Joined: 18-12-12
May 27 2015 18:09
Webby wrote:
Serge Forward wrote:
The patter of tiny hands?

Hang on. What's Jeremy Beadle got to do with this?

Webby, I would strongly advise you to avoid the urge to be a twat.

#372
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Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
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May 27 2015 18:13
Webby wrote:
Serge Forward wrote:
The patter of tiny hands?

Hang on. What's Jeremy Beadle got to do with this?

Webby, I would strongly advise you to avoid the urge to be a twat.

Edit: Well, how's that for irony? About one second after embarking on a career of non-twatishness I make a twat of myself with a double post. What a fucking twat!

#373
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kurekmurek
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Joined: 15-11-07
May 27 2015 19:51

Well after seeing the hand-pregnancy post I realized I can also try my chences in this thread:


http://www.diclehaber.com/tr/news/content/view/458820?from=3969113102
As the elections in Turkey is approaching AKP, the government party, constructed closed bus stops to a village close to Kayseri as an election investment. The thing is that the village has no automobile road or has no bus service at all.

#374
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Agent of the International's picture
Agent of the In...
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Joined: 17-08-12
May 27 2015 22:59
Webby wrote:
Webby wrote:
Serge Forward wrote:
The patter of tiny hands?

Hang on. What's Jeremy Beadle got to do with this?

Webby, I would strongly advise you to avoid the urge to be a twat.

Edit: Well, how's that for irony? About one second after embarking on a career of non-twatishness I make a twat of myself with a double post. What a fucking twat!

Wait, I'm confused. Why are you replying to yourself? Or do I not get what your trying to say?

#375
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Noah Fence's picture
Noah Fence
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May 28 2015 01:07

You're confused??? Wait till you've started replying to yourself, then you'll know what true confusion is!

#376
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jef costello's picture
jef costello
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Joined: 9-02-06
May 28 2015 06:48
Soapy wrote:
Tyrion wrote:
Very enjoyable back and forth between Noam Chomsky and warmongering New Atheist douchebag Sam Harris. Despite the many shortcomings of his politics, Chomsky roundly smashes Harris' arguments at every turn and doesn't bother to put on any act of having the least bit of respect for Harris, who keeps feebly trying to turn it into some great intellectual debate between great public intellectuals who greatly respect each other's intellect. Good stuff.

Good to see Chomsky still kicking it in his old age

That was a good exchange.
Reminded me of the ancaps etc who show up here.

#377
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jura's picture
jura
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Joined: 25-07-08
May 30 2015 18:08

I don't know where else to put it. There's a whole bunch of new TLDs like ".agency", ".bargains" etc. Here are some that are still free:

http://proletarian.camp
http://communism.works
http://abolish.capital and http://communize.properties
http://redandblack.ninja
http://communize.biz
http://redderthan.red
http://collective.ceo
http://proletarian.democrat
http://collectivized.enterprises
http://kolkhoz.farm
http://anarchist.international
http://workersself.management
http://communism.today
http://endless.holiday
http://communization.wtf

and my personal favorite

http://kozo.uno

#378
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Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
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Joined: 2-07-08
Jun 1 2015 15:10

found at https://twitter.com/Galloway4Mayor

#379
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xxzxcuzxme
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Joined: 22-05-15
Jun 9 2015 17:41

.

#380
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Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
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Jun 8 2015 09:28

#381
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S. Artesian
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Joined: 5-02-09
Jun 8 2015 21:14

This

#382
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petey
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Joined: 13-10-05
Jun 8 2015 21:43
Quote:
It was Lacan who expanded upon Hegel's begierde; to answer desire we must name it. Unspoken, the hippo remains always hungry, hungry. A shapeless yearning without voice drives the consumption inherent in latter day capitalism.

Slavoj Zizek, probably

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/zizek-hungry-hippos/

#383
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S. Artesian
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Joined: 5-02-09
Jun 8 2015 22:16
petey wrote:
Quote:
It was Lacan who expanded upon Hegel's begierde; to answer desire we must name it. Unspoken, the hippo remains always hungry, hungry. A shapeless yearning without voice drives the consumption inherent in latter day capitalism.

Slavoj Zizek, probably

http://www.somethingawful.com/news/zizek-hungry-hippos/

plagiarized from Marcuse; hippos added

#384
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boomerang
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Joined: 20-01-14
Jun 10 2015 03:45

Women. Who can understand them? Here's your handy guide!

#385
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Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
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Joined: 2-07-08
Jun 9 2015 13:50

#386
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Chilli Sauce's picture
Chilli Sauce
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Joined: 5-10-07
Jun 9 2015 23:50
Serge Forward wrote:
Entdinglichung wrote:

That's now my new screensaver at work grin

Ha! I saved it as my background (even before reading your post!).

#387
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boomerang
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Jun 10 2015 03:29

#388
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Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
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Jun 10 2015 06:44
ocelot wrote:
petey wrote:
Entdinglichung wrote:
http://www.epjournal.net/articles/dr-strangeape-or-how-to-learn-to-stop-...

i ... i just ... what the ...

I couldn;t make it through the first page without hysterics. I must have this book! Of course I want to get in touch with my inner Bonobo. Who wouldn't? (apart from the author of the review). Kudos

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jun/10/chimpanzees-bossou-south-...

#389
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ocelot's picture
ocelot
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Joined: 15-11-09
Jun 10 2015 10:56
Entdinglichung wrote:
http://www.theguardian.com/science/2015/jun/10/chimpanzees-bossou-south-...

Welcome to Ireland. Land of saints and scholars. And now, according to a recent new scientific hypothesis, the pinnacle of human evolution. Somehow we always knew...

#390
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wojtek
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Joined: 8-01-11
Jun 11 2015 10:26

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/transfer_talk/216139/xavis-qatar-airport-...

#391
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Entdinglichung's picture
Entdinglichung
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Joined: 2-07-08
Jun 15 2015 15:27

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/asghar-bukhari-muslim-campaigner-cl...

https://tendancecoatesy.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/solidarity-with-asghar-...

Quote:
A Muslim campaigner claimed 'Zionists sneaked into his home while he was asleep to steal his shoe'.

Asghar Bukhari, a founding member of the Muslim Public Affairs Committee UK, made the extraordinary claim in a Facebook post but soon faced ridicule.